dear mom,

you'll never read this, but i know you can see what's in my heart. i feel the need to write this out so maybe there's a chance of it all making sense in my head. i'm not sure what truly compelled me to write this, but i hope it gives me closure. i feel as if i am at a point in my life when there are so many transitions happening and it's so hard to not be overwhelmed by it all. i worry that i will be led astray into the wrong path. at this moment in my life i feel like i have disappointed too many people and i don't know how to fix it and make everything better like i so desperately try to do with everything. this is where i yearn for your wisdom, but most of all your calm words telling me everything will be okay. i'm not sure where my head is right now, but i know those are the words i year to hear from you. my 18th birthday is fast approaching. i'm excited for the many doors of opportunity it will open but it also comes with the stinging reality that hasn't really set in until now. at a time where i need you more than i've ever needed you before. my 18th birthday will signify half of my life lived with you and half of my life lived without you. i've been dreading this moment for so many years, and now it's so close. i'm not quite sure what else to say, but i feel like this was necessary in order for me to cope. i only live to be the young woman you would be proud to see today.

love you more.