Dear Men,
I am sorry.
I am sorry that you are so constantly thrust into a culture of sex, pleasure, and porn -- where the term “virgin” has turned from something beautiful and sacred, to something to be ashamed of. Where “your first time” is celebrated and you are given a slap on the back and considered a “man”.
I am sorry that your “masculinity” is often determined by how much you can bench press, how many sports you play, how many beers you can drink before feeling even the slightest buzz, how little emotion you are capable of showing, how many women you’ve dated or how many times you’ve had sex.
I am sorry that as women, our standards are insultingly low. Standards for stewardship, intelligence, responsibility and commitment have been lowered almost to the level of animals.
“He cheated… what do you expect. He’s a guy.”
“Wow I expected his space to be a mess since he’s a guy.”
“No don’t ask him for help, guys are stupid.”
“Of course he forgot. He’s a guy.”
These kinds of statements make me so. Incredibly. Livid.
Again I speak for women: I am sorry that we are so focused on being “independent” that we have rejected chivalry as it is.
The other day I was talking to my sister, an incredible dancer and ballerina. We ended up on the topic of male ballerinas and I asked the question of “Why are there so few male dancers?”
The conclusion: Because they think it’s not manly enough.
It’s not manly enough.
OK. Boys let me tell you something; there is nothing more masculine than a man who humbles himself, gaining the trust of a woman in order glorify her in such a raw physical state, and in turn allowing the woman to magnify his own strength and leadership through dance.
Dance is one of the only physical activities that requires surrendering our bodies in order to create beauty other than sex.
Similarly – to the men who are harassed for their faith. Don’t back down.
It is incredibly relieving to find a man rooted who in his faith because if a man can’t be rooted in a truth, how can he be rooted in a relationship.
I look at my little brother who is going to be a a senior in high school. He is tall, lean and far from football player status. But he is polite, chivalrous, puts women first, he gardens, builds robots, drinks coffee every morning, and wants to major in astronomy. But, I look at him, and I am terrified. Terrified because in one year he will go to college and be held to these absurd expectations of what it means to be a man. He could be bullied, teased, rejected and made to believe that he is not good enough. I do not want to see him questioning himself, his goodness. I do not want him to try to change and morph into societies image of who he should be because he is not at all that... he is my little brother.
He is not societies image of a stoic ball of muscles with the "emotional range of a teaspoon", he is a true man; a breath of fresh air, and let me tell you -- he has the women coming after him left and right.
So again:
I am sorry. I am sorry for every time a woman or even a fellow guy has insulted you or put you down by making you feel weak or not good enough, I am sorry that our culture is so poisonous and has lost sense of what beauty, pleasure and love are.
So to the men who are trying to be good enough by chasing after every girl, spending hours upon hours in the gym to feel impressive and tough, holding the most alcohol, and playing the most sports.
Stop.
You are already good enough.
Let me tell you something:
How many sports you play, how much you drink, how strong you are… NONE OF THAT MATTERS. It just doesn’t. I see you, and automatically see you as handsome, righteous, strong and a leader because you are man. You don’t need to try to become one… because…
You already are. You just… are. So be that.
