Since my sophomore year of college, I have been dealing with bipolar depression and mania. These symptoms and episodes have a way of becoming all-consuming. I've written two letters, one to mania and one to depression, to show just how these "friends" of mine have impacted me these past few years.
Dear Mania,
I've kind of known you for the past three years, but I didn't really get to know you well until about a year and a half ago. At first, I thought you were pretty awesome. You are extremely extroverted, trying your best to befriend anyone and everyone. Your confidence is always super high. You are the center of the party and you know it. You fearlessly wear purple lipstick and heavy eyeliner. Your love life is quite a mess, but it's clear that you are having the time of your life.
But, Mania, you are a complete bitch. You steal all of my money and blow it on nonsensical shopping sprees. You easily become irritated with people and hurt those who are only trying to help. You just won't SHUT UP. EVER. Talking to you is like a one-way conversation, and it is exhausting. YOU are exhausting. You ignore all of your responsibilities, fixating on grandiose business ventures and schemes rather than finishing school. You are OK in small doses, but this relationship is toxic and has to end. You think everyone loves you, but, they really cannot stand you... and you scare them.
Please go away.
Dear Depression,
You are an older friend, one who suddenly came into my life about four years ago. I don't know how it happened, but it seemed like I went from barely knowing you to spending each and every day with just you. You look just like anyone else, but you are secretly dark, twisted, and miserable.
You are one of the most abusive friends I have ever had. You isolate me from my friends and family, convincing me that I don't deserve them. You tell me that I am worthless and that I will never amount to anything. You create disastrous scenarios in my head and make me believe that those are true. You bully me constantly. You are the reason I cannot eat, cannot sleep, cannot think, cannot breathe. You are the cause of many breakdowns as well as anxiety attacks that seem to last for days straight. Some people try to romanticize you, but I fail to see how you have any positive impact on my life.
You tried to destroy me time and time again, but I will not back down.
Mania and depression, please leave everyone alone. You are not welcome here.
