Dear Lorfink of Arabia,

I've been thinking a lot lately about our grandparents. I suppose this is very normal, considering the first words out of my mouth when I get out of work to mom are "how are Pa and Mi?" Then she says bte (better than ever) and we have a brief discussion on how we don't understand them, how they live, etc. Pa's going to be 87 in little over a week. It's strange to actually think of how old he is. Most people would consider him ancient. Since thinking about Pa and Mi often involve many unpleasant things, which shall not be mentioned here, I'm going to go straight to my point; why on earth are grandparent namings the way that they are?

I think it's save to say that very few people call their grandmother Mi. Especially with an i instead of an e. Yet the seven of us do because that's what Steve decided to call her when he began to speak. However, we don't constantly stick to it! It's all Dad's fault. Why he couldn't constantly refer to her as Mi is a greater mystery than Roanoke, but doesn't. Instead, we also have "The Grandmother". It is somewhat fitting, with her being our only alive grandmother, but it's still strange. Since, according to the tales, Mom and the grandparents let Steve decide what he was going to call them, because rhip, why does Dad insert himself that way? If he feels silly saying Mi in public, he should have realized by the time we were 12, we all felt ridiculous saying my grandmother, Mi. Just goes to show that Mom had better grandmother naming skills than Steve. Gobba is practically an institution. You aren't even allowed to consider if you feel ridiculous saying Gobba in public; you pull a Nike and just do it.

I also think it's safe to say that Mom and Mi both got a little carried away with letting Steve decide. Recap time! Mi was mailing a card(?) to Steve and wasn't quite sure how to spell Mi. So she called Mom, who asked Steve if it was with an e or an i. Steve said i, and lo and behold, a new name was born. Or at least that's how they claim it went. Steve had to have been younger than 18 months; he wasn't reading the card himself, so it wouldn't have made a difference. (Although, as much as I hate to admit this, I probably would have done the same in their shoes.)

Besides that, we also have the mystery of Granddad's name. It's kind of easy to see that it's easier to have a Granddad and a Pa as opposed to a Grandpa and a Pa. Plus, Granddad was Dad's dad, so it was nice and fitting. Yet, why did our cousins call him Grandpa? I think it's pretty clear to see that the rules of grandparent naming let the oldest grandchild decide, unless the grandparent themselves announce what they want to be called. Steve was the oldest, therefore what was decided when he started speaking became law. I guess the moral of the story is to just hope that the first grandchild comes up with a name that is universal in its appeal.

Signed Not a Grandparent Namer,

Caitlin