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Dear Life

An anonymous letter to Life

Allyssa Wetzel

Apr 12, 2017

Siena Heights University

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Life is crazy and that's alright!

So this week I wanted to write a "fictitious" letter to Life.

Dear Life,

I love how funny you are especially now when everything is changing. I love how you have me now questioning my sexuality which I know that I'm not 100% straight heck I'm probably not straight at all. I don't want to even label besides the fact that I'm not straight but shouldn't I have known that I wasn't straight a long time ago. I mean first of all I tried to kiss a girl twice when I was younger and without inhibitions and now that I'm older I can do more and yet I'm scared because I don't want to be a monster. Sure the girl of yesteryear might have been straight but it is too scary to go back out. And yet you try to have me kiss a girl at any given moment and you make me happy when thinking about being with a girl. Not that there is anything wrong with that I just have no idea how to tell my parents. You make me have irregular periods which could be for a lot of different reasons but I'm scared to figure out what it is. And you let me be a Junior for a semester and a half which means that I will be a Senior after my older sister graduates as a Senior. Life you are so crazy right now I just don't know. I do know this though, I love how you have given me many different opportunities. By the way can you give me more opportunities.

Thank you,

Dear X,

I don't make you do anything you do everything yourself. You're welcome for everything that I have given you. And I will keep being weird so keep hanging on for the ride. I'm not too sure about the period thing but just hang in there. Look up ways that you can come out or just discover yourself more. Thank you for acknowledging how funny I am. And I will look for more opportunities for you.

Sincerely,

Life

Life will be weird. Life will not be normal. And as it is said Life will give you something to make your life hard but you are going to just have to work through it.

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Dear Life

An anonymous letter to Life

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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