Dear Immune System,

I’m very disappointed in you, you know. You know I had plans to celebrate a close buddy’s birthday this weekend, and to bake a cheesecake, learn how to play D&D, and watch the Kungfu Panda series again while gorging myself on popcorn and sweets. Oh, you know how much I was looking forward to finally-it’s-Friday and so-glad-it’s-Saturday and sleep-in-as-long-as-you-want-Sunday. But no, just when the week’s about to wind down, you fail me. What is this, an unscheduled vacation? Very unprofessional.

You should know that everything I’ve done since my last cold has been in your best interest. I’ve only eaten a few dozen things off various floors-- only the ones I trust, of course-- and you can’t have expected me throw away half of a brownie, after all. I’ve spoiled you with at 5+ hours of sleep a night, and provided a plethora of vitamins and minerals with all those fruits and vegetables I always eat. All those door handles I’ve touched going to my classes, and those desk tops I’ve leaned on in my drowsiness, and those perpetually slightly sticky keyboards in the computer labs? Those were just menial tasks for you; they certainly weren’t supposed to be that challenging, and you definitely weren’t supposed to fail.

Now look at me, I’m a discombobulated, feverish mess. I’m constantly sniffling and coughing, popping cough drops like candy, and getting up in class to sheepishly blow my nose. Shivers crawl up my arms and are replaced with sweltering waves of heat, coughs wreak havoc on my poor unsuspecting throat, and sluggishness wraps around me like a shroud. I feel bad for my classmates who constantly hear me snuffling about, rummaging around in my backpack for more tissues. I feel even worse for my poor nose, red as Rudolph’s and rubbed painfully raw.

Oh come on, I’ve spoiled you with $7.63 worth of canned soup, two cloves of garlic and way too red pepper flake, and a heavy dosage of water a day. That’s a gourmet feast right there, don’t you think? I’ve slept a dozen hours a night, not including length day naps, and I’ve swathed you in sweatpants and hoodies even in the sweltering heat. That’s treatment worthy of royalty, I promise you; I’m doing the best I can.

Dear Immune System, please come back. Two tests are looming in the next week. I need you beside me again; I need you to help me breathe so I can eat yummy food again and sleep through a full night without disruption. I promise you I’ll be better. I’ll take all those gummy vitamin supplements and dry my hair before I go to sleep. I’ll dress appropriately for the weather, I’ll eat during normal hours of the day, and I’ll stay hydrated all the time. Who knows, if you come back quickly enough, I might even exercise a couple times a week. That’s how much I’m willing to do to get you back.

Dear Immune System, I have to pass my tests next week. Please come back.