Hi Grandma.

Hopefully you check your Facebook some time soon, because this article is for you. I know that I don't say it enough, and probably didn't say it enough this past week as you helped me pack my things and move, but... thank you.

It's only two little words, but please know that there is so much gratitude behind them. I owe a lot of my happiness to you, and I want to be sure that you know that.

You were the mother that I deserved, a fact that you've shown again and again. You were there to raise me my first five years of life, when my birth mother decided that she did not want to spend the time to raise a toddler and a baby. You raised my older sister and I because Dad couldn't while he served in the army. I didn't realize until now that you were basically a superwoman for accepting us into your home and heart, seeing that you were still raising my aunt (then in high school) and working full time.

Whenever I think of happy childhood memories, of radical experiences that shaped me as a person, I think of all the moments you made possible.

I remember when I was crazy about dresses, and how you defended me when my pre-kindergarten teacher sent home a note to dress me in pants, that the boys were looking up my skirt. Your response? "If you want this girl to wear pants, you can come and try to dress her. In the mean time, you can keep an eye on those boys and tell them not to look. She shouldn't have to change just because they don't have manners."

I remember dancing and singing on the living room table and wearing out videotape cassettes because I'd have you play the same movie over and over again so I could sing along. I remember my Barbie Dolls having stylish clothes, most of them handmade by you, and having tea parties with chocolate milk, which you were always invited to. You never missed one.

When my dad remarried and I moved in with my stepmother, I remember wanting to be back and living with you. That wish was granted some 12 years later, after one violent night, long after my stepmother showed her true colors. I have never seen someone so strong as you were that night, even when she pushed you down, even when her friends screamed awful things at you, including: "You're not their real grandmother."

Even today, that claim makes me burn with anger, because I have never heard something so false. You knew that too, and that's why you snapped back, "She's not their real mother." When I followed you out to your car, I followed you to safety, and ever since then, you have done your best to make up my 12 years of living with another woman who didn't want to be my mother, and never tried.

My senior year of high school, it was you that made sure that I was happy, made sure that I made it to graduation without a breakdown. You made sure I ate, something that she didn't do. You made sure that I felt beautiful, even as I hesitantly gained the weight that I needed.

When I moved in with you, I was 105 pounds due to skipping meals so that I'd be skinny, so that my stepmother wouldn't call me fat. When I moved in with you, I was struggling to get over my need to self harm. When I moved in with you, I was 17 and scared of how the past would affect my future, how I was going to handle college if I couldn't even handle myself.

As I moved out this past week, I'm sure that you saw the differences. Today, I am 20 years old and 138 pounds. I have been free of self harm for three years now and I am no longer afraid of the future.

If anything, I am afraid of a future without you. You have sacrificed so much for my happiness and I can't imagine any important events in my life without you present.

Grandma, "thank you" doesn't even begin to cover the debt of gratitude I have towards you. Honestly, I don't know how I could even begin to pay you back for being the mother figure in my life.

Just please know that you have raised someone who wants to be like you when she has children. Because I have your example to go off of, I'm not afraid of being an awful mother like I once was when I thought of those who were supposed to be "Mom."

So thank you, Grandma. I love you so very much, and I miss you already.