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Dear God, I've Got Some Questions About Why You Did What You Did

Why did you make me the way I am?

Jhinelle Walker

Apr 03, 2018

The State University of New York at Stony Brook

160

Unsplash

Dear God,

Why did you make me the way I am? Don’t get me wrong. I love who I am. In fact, I think I'm pretty awesome, but sometimes, being me can be difficult.

Is there a reason for my seemingly unrelated quirks, the sometimes troublesome oddities that make up my personality? I wish I knew what they were for. Did you just put me together like a Mr. Potato Head, sprinkle in some of the special sauce, and send me out into the world to see what would happen with this Frankenstein-like creation of idiosyncrasies? Or do you have a plan for my life that I just can't see yet? Will all these confusing bits of me come together like the jigsaw puzzle I lost the cover picture for to finally let me know why I am who I am?

Why can I speak words better on a page than I can with my mouth? Think of the best words to say but be unable to get them out? Why do I love to be around people but not with them? Why does my body cry when my mind doesn't know what it feels?

Why can I love but don't know what love feels like? Why do I seek out company when I want to be alone? Why can't I hold a grudge even when I am hurt again and again? Why can't I miss those who leave my life?

I am too many contradictions. I get emotional when I can't process emotions. I am too rational, yet I can't make a logical argument when it matters. I try to make friends when I can't form lasting emotional connections (and sometimes, I don't want them even when I do). I want to do everything while wanting to do nothing at all. I want to find love, but I don't even know if I can give it.

What do you have in store for me?

How long do I have to wait? I will trust in you, but I can’t help but question myself.

Sincerely, your (unsure) daughter,

Jhinelle Walker

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Dear God, I've Got Some Questions About Why You Did What You Did

Why did you make me the way I am?

What do you have in store for me?

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

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7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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