Dear God,
I’m a little lost right now. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Which is really weird because a year ago I thought I had everything planned out. I was going to graduate high school, go to my realistic dream college, study history with a pre-law concentration and a specialization in US history, graduate in three years, go to law school, move across the country to Seattle and start my life.
But now? I’m a little lost. At least I think I’m a little lost. I’m not entirely sure. Am I lost, God? Or is this all a part of your plan? Because I have no idea.
I’m not sure if I like the college I’m at. When I chose it on March 8th last year, the choice excited me. I felt like that NU was the place I was supposed to be for my college years. Life is good here, I’d recommend NU to anyone in a heartbeat. But I’m not sure if it’s for me. I know I want to graduate with a degree in history and I’m about 98% sure that I’m going to specialize in US history. I also know I can, and most likely will graduate in three years.
I don’t know if I still want to be a prosecuting attorney. Maybe I want to be a high school history teacher? Maybe I want to be a museum curator? Maybe I want to be something that I haven’t even thought of yet? I know I have time left to decide what I want to be, but I want to know now. I like knowing what I’m going to do with my life. Since I was eleven years old, I thought I was going to be a prosecuting attorney. Why does that determination have to wane now?
What about my friendships? I’m kind of lost and confused on a lot of those. It seems like I’m always trying harder. I write my friends letters and get nothing in response. I tell them I miss them and want to talk to them soon and get “I miss you too, but I’ve been so busy”. I wish I could know what relationships won’t matter in a few months and what ones I should keep trying at because they’re worth keeping. But God, are they worth keeping if I’m doing all the work? I constantly feel drained from trying to stay in touch with everybody and getting little back.
I don’t know about Seattle anymore, God. I know it’s beautiful and I want to go there and potentially live there someday. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Is it just some dream that I will look back on when I’m older and sigh because I never accomplished it?
God, it feels like there are so many unknowns in my life right now and I’m not sure what else to do besides turn to you for guidance. I’ve turned to others and asked for their advice, but they’re just as unsure as I am. I pray that soon you will send me an answer for at least one of my questions regarding my life. I pray that you will guide me on what to do and how to be happy throughout my whole life.
Love,
Your Daughter
