Dear Future Husband,
I'm done.
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I'm done thinking about you and who you will be. I'm done wondering if you're one of my friends, or someone I have already met. I'm done answering my friends when they ask me what I want you to be like. I'm done with it all.
I'm done wasting my time dreaming of you. I've spent a lot of my life dwelling on things to come. I've missed so many great moments because my mind was absent. You are future, but I am present. My life is present. And I've decided to let you show up in the present before I start thinking of you often. As someone very wise once put it, "do you think God is just going to let your future spouse walk by without tapping you on the shoulder?" I'm sure I won't miss you when you come so I'm going to stop staring at the door.
I'm done assuming that I know what's best for me. I'm done sketching out your best qualities to match my own. I'm done stealing God's job. I'm done trying to be the architect for my own future. God is the professional, so I'm going to let Him take care of the details and give me a tour when He's ready. I trust that He is going to build something more beautiful than I would ever think to construct.
I'm done setting unreasonable expectations for you. I'm done being the girl that puts you on a pedestal and believes that marriage will be easy if she just finds that perfect guy. I'm done mentally planning our TLC wedding and our "Pride and Prejudice" happy ending. I'm done measuring you up to movie characters and inspirational quotes on Pinterest. I want to be happy with you being you. The beautiful thing is that you're not fictional and you're not just the chorus to a love song. I want you to be authentic and genuine. I'm done expecting you to be anything else.
I'm done assuming that sooner is better when it comes to knowing you. I'm done asking God to get on with it already. I'm done despising people who have found love already. I'm done wishing I were them. I'm thankful that I am me and that my story is unique. I'm done buying into the idea that being in love is the only way to live.
I'm done assuming that you exist at all. This is not because I think I will never find love or because I don't trust God. In fact, it's because I trust God that I'm done expecting you. My life will be great no matter if you are real or not. I think single Christians tend to forget this. My Christian journey won't necessarily lead me down the aisle. That doesn't mean that God loves me any less. God has something great for me. It may or may not be a husband, but that's okay.
If you are real, I want you to know that right now I am focusing on hiding my heart in Christ alone. I'm going to let Him take care of me. And honestly, even in the future, when and if I know you, I'm going to let Him take care of me then. You will never be my everything. I never want to be your everything, either. I think our best love will come through a mutual love for our Savior. Love without the cross really isn't love at all.
Sit tight, future husband, if you're out there at all. Hide your heart in Jesus as well and wait until he taps you on the shoulder and says, "it's that one over there." I'll be thrilled when and if that moment comes, but I'm done waiting for love. I've already found it. And I pray that you have, too.
