Dear future friend,
If you want to be friends, here are somethings you should know about me first. Never say I didn't try to warn you.
- I need all of the attention at all times, but only in a positive and affirmative manner. .
- If you tell me to show up at 1 I will rush in half an hour later.
- I curse like a sailor and I am fucking proud of my vocablulry.
- My room will never be organized. Neither will my make-up collection. Neither will my closet.
- I spend thousands on make-up. I will get defensive if you tell me to chill about it.
- There is a high, extremely high, probability that I will remember nothing about you after our first interaction.
- My attention span is short, and I cannot (will not) fake interest if I am bored.
- If I see a dog, I will ignore you and break all laws to pet it.
- I will not forgive jokes about mental disabilities.
- As a black woman I know I shouldn't, but racist jokes make me laugh until I cry.
- I can handle sex jokes, innuendos, or the number 69, with the same maturity as a preteen boy.
- I had the highest road rage score of everyone in my class, and I have a habit of disregarding the speed limit.
- I refuse to believe that one alarm is enough.
- If we are living together and you get horrendously murdered while I am asleep, I will not wake up. Sorry.
- I assume people know I am sorry and therefore rarely apologize.
- If we are on the same team for a sport, I will not even pretend to try.
- If we lose at a broad game, I will take it personally.
- I get a little too involved in politics.
- I will cry every time I see any finale of any show.
- I cannot handle competition shows because I get way too emotionally attached to everyone.
- If my dog/brother/father/mother/best friend(s) don’t like you, I don’t like you.
- No matter how much I love you, I will not text you first.
- If you text me I might not respond for a ridiculous amount of time.
- It will take many moons for me to be vulnerable around you.
- It will take forever for me to consider you my friend, not just my acquaintance, but once we are it will take heaven and hell to move me from your side.
