Dear Diary

December 3, 2004

I’m at Granny’s now. The policemen dropped me off here last night. I asked them when I’d be able to see Mom again. They didn't answer.

July 20, 2004

People have been coming over for weeks now. They bring dinner and cards, and say how sorry they are for us. They talk about how brave Connor was, and how proud Daddy would be of him. I can see that Mom holds back the tears while she forces a smile and thanks them for how kind and supportive they’ve been.

September 5, 2004

Today was the first day of school. I took the bus today instead of Connor dropping me off. It smelled funny, and the bus driver plays weird music. Riding with Connor was always better. He’d let me pick the music, and sometimes we would even leave early and stop for breakfast on the way. I asked Mom if she’d take me, but she never got out of bed.

August 7, 2004

Mom doesn’t really talk a lot now. I spend most of my time with Granny. She comes over a lot and cooks and cleans. While Mom just kind of sits. She either sits in her room or out on the couch. Usually in her room. That’s kind of all she does nowadays. I know I have to be strong for Mom, but I just want to sit and cry. I never did that, you know. Cry. That day when all Mom and Granny could do was cry, I never did. I still haven’t. I want to. But I don’t. I have to be strong for Mom.

October 28, 2004

I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to do anything. I didn’t mean to make her mad. I was just trying to help. We all miss Connor. And Daddy… but I needed my mom back. I miss her so much. She never talks to me anymore. She hardly ever leaves the house. Sometimes she doesn’t even shower for a long time. I just thought that maybe if I was able to show her that I was there for her, maybe she’d finally come back. But she didn’t. I guess she wishes I had died instead of Connor.

July 7, 2004

I answered the door for the two Army men today. They wanted to talk to Mom. They treated me like I didn’t know what was going on. But I did. Mom’s been sitting on the couch crying all day. Granny came over and cried with her for a while. I’ve just been sitting in my room.