June 8, 2016: Heartache to healing.

I was baptized at the age of 22 years old on April 17, 2016. The best decision I've ever made in my life was to finally let go and accept the Lord as my savior and publicly profess my love for him.

If you would have told me I would be where I am today a year ago, I wouldn't have just laughed in your face; I'd probably also make you feel dumb for even thinking such a thing, then make you take a shot of tequila for being so stupid.

But these last two or three months have been the most rewarding and exciting journey. God has placed so many amazing people in my path. To lean on, be held accountable in the word, to even help, using my testimony. What? Me? No. I never could have expected what God had/has planned for me when I decided to hand Him my life.

I will not sit here and tell you it's been an easy ride. Because it hasn't. In this semester of transition, so many radical changes in my life were made. There are still heart breaks and disappointments. But Jesus continues to build up and add to my testimony every, single day. It's crazy.

My Crohn's disease got worse in the fall, so we had to make some mandatory changes to my diet; meaning full paleo—the "caveman diet": meat and veggies, no sugar, gluten, soy, oats, or happiness. Y'all, I had mashed potatoes, cheese, and bread ripped away from my diet completely. And for a girl who frequented KFC at least twice a week, this was a major loss. But through even a diet change, God was working in me. Learning about the whole foods of the earth that he provided for our consumption and the things he created for us to use to heal. Also learning how to be more thankful, and not take things (like food, water, shelter, and macaroni and cheese) for granted. Talk about having to have some faith.

My favorite foods weren't my only loss. Jesus had me feeling a little like the character Job from the Bible. I also lost some of my best friends in the midst of all of these transitions. I cut drinking alcohol out of my life in its entirety; for health reasons initially. Then it quickly became apparent that I didn't just need to cut it out for the sake of my disease, but for the sake of my testimony. I can't say that I was baptized and I became this perfect little Christian girl. I still have my flaws and I still tried to test the waters. But the Lord made it very obvious that drinking is an honest struggle for me. I like it too much, and that's something I needed to give up to him as well. If you can't drink responsibly, then you shouldn't drink at all. And when I get started, I know no limitations. Learning these things, friendships were lost and loneliness weighed heavy. People blatantly would choose going to the bar over spending time with me because I couldn't drink. I felt like an outcast. Unimportant, unloved, and ashamed.

This is when I learned to lean fully on the Lord and find my self worth in him and not other human beings. Before I let him in, I couldn't even look another human being in the eye. I was living two separate lives, tiptoeing around, and trying to keep secrets and be something I wasn't. Now I walk confidently in the eyes of the Lord. I'm happier than I've ever been, I smile randomly for no reason, my heart has grown like the end of the grinch movie. I love everyone and everything and just want everyone to experience this sweet sweet love that I have.

(Again to clarify, life is not always roses and butterflies.)

Right after I was baptized, two girls from my home town came into my life. One was a returning pal. We were best friends in high school but circumstances had us lead four or more years of separation and growing up to do on our own. The only thing bringing us back together in a healthier, happier way? Jesus. The other was a friendship I never expected to happen. A sweet little girl from back home who used to randomly watch my nieces for my sister and worked at the neighborhood pharmacy; significantly younger than me and a total gift from God. Two girls going through break ups; one very similar to my emotionally abusive break up a year ago, the other a long term relationship ending because of similar personal convictions I had to the same break up I had last year.

Finally God just plops in my lap a reason for the sleepless nights, the raw eyes and poor decisions. A reason to live more for him. To show that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Happiness will happen again. God only closes doors to open better ones. Three broken hearts, three beautiful friendships created, mended, and all for the glory of Christ. Though they thank me daily for whatever it is their sweet encouragement may be, they have no idea the impact on my life they are making. Showing me how real Jesus is on a daily basis.

This is all not to mention the relationships God has placed in my life in both places I live. Girlfriends from Bible studies back in both homes that keep me accountable. Pray for me. Let me be completely real and broken with them. And lead me to the word to figure out my next step. God is so good, ya'll.

I never would have dreamed I'd be standing tall exactly where I am today. But man am I so blessed to serve the most gracious and almighty, miracle-working king.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised." - Proverbs 31:30