Dear Baby Sister(s),

Growing up with you was more fun than I can ever put into words. You were my sidekick. My partner in crime. I remember your birth and how tiny you were. I was there when you learned to crawl, and when you took your first steps. I remember carting you around like my own personal baby doll. Before you could even form words I bossed you around, made you dress up with me, and played every game under the sun. Don’t get me wrong, things weren’t all sunshine and roses. We beat up on each other. I threw a fit when you touched my toys or didn’t play the way I wanted you to (I am the oldest after all).

As we grew older our fights grew larger and more frequent. We fought over clothes, screamed at each other, and even threw things at each other. Remember when you shattered the TV screen with your iPod because I ducked out of the way? Dad was so mad! During those times I was sure you hated me. You even said so on occasion. I thought I must be the worst big sister ever, not wanting to share my clothes or have my annoying little sister around.

Now I am gone and the mere half hour to your door seems like an eternity sometimes. College captivates my time and attention as high school does with yours. It seems like we never have time for each other anymore. We are in different parts of life, with you entering the stage I just left. There are a few things I want to make sure you know.

1. I know I have hurt you.

I know my absence broke you in more ways than I can understand. I know you were hurt and confused and angry when I left sooner than expected. I never intended nor wanted to hurt you. I was in a bad place and I needed out. I know it was selfish, but it saved me from myself. I need you to understand and trust that I never meant to hurt you in any way.

2. I am, and always will be, here for you.

Though we don’t live under the same roof anymore I will never not come when you call. I will never stop answering your middle of the night texts and phone calls. I will never ignore your ridiculous Snapchats. I will never not be your shoulder to cry on, your cheerleader, and your voice of reason (when necessary). We may not have a lot of time for each other at the moment, but I am always only a phone call away.

3. You are my best friend(s).

God knew what he was doing when he put you in my life (both of you). Growing up we always had someone to play with. We were never alone, and never will be. You have been there for all of the big moments in my life: concerts, sporting events, and my graduation. I can’t think of anyone better than you to stand beside me at my (future) wedding. I cherish the memories we have created together, and am so excited to make even more by your side.

4. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the times we fought. I’m sorry for hiding your toys. I’m sorry for pretending to be a ghost while you lay on the bunk beneath me to freak you out. I’m sorry for not always giving you the attention you deserved. I’m sorry for not letting you borrow that one dress in my closet that you loved. I’m sorry for all the times we hit each other and for all the times I allowed you to be so hurt you felt the need to say you hated me. I’m sorry I wasn’t always there for you, when your friends were bullies, when that boy broke your heart, or when you got in a fight with mom. I’ll never stop feeling bad for not having your back.

5. You are worth more than I can ever say.

People will try to hurt you and get you down. It’s their nature. Don’t EVER let them dull your smile. Be yourself, whether that be through your carefree attitude and whimsical nature, or your loud personality, complete with crazy humor (and wildly inappropriate jokes). No boy, no friend, no person, NOTHING is worth changing even the littlest piece of who you are. You are perfect. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel otherwise.

6. I love you.

More than words can ever express. Despite any hurtful words that were said. Despite any of my past failures. I love you more than you can ever know, and I will always be in your corner.

Thank you for always putting up with me. Thank you for ignoring my mood swings. Thank you for being everything I never knew I wanted.

I can’t wait to continue watching you grow and chase your dreams. I am so proud of you.