Dear Angel in Heaven,
I haven’t been the same since you left me. When you left me, you took a very large part of my heart with you. People say that when you lose a loved one that part of them stays with you… Well you took part of me with you. I’m now hollow and weak. Every little thing reminds me of you. Certain smells, certain sounds, certain movies, certain events, certain words, etc… So I guess, part of you is with me. But, it’s bittersweet.
Angel in Heaven, I cry often. When these certain things happen that remind of you, I cry, I bawl even. No matter where I am or who is around, I can’t control myself. You have made me weak. We have so many memories together and because of that I have a reminder of you everyday. The memories are wonderful but they hurt. They hurt so badly, tearing my heart into a million pieces. They remind me of you, of you when you had color to your cheeks and life in your eyes. They remind me of a you before you were my Angel in Heaven and those are the days I miss the most…
Angel in Heaven, I know your loved ones must be happy to see you again but their joy is my pain. I know this sounds selfish to say but I feel that I have every right to feel selfish in this manner. I loved you and will continue to love you unconditionally. You were taken out of the blue; no one saw it coming, not even me. I needed you still; they were already happy and secure with God. But I was here on earth, and you were one of my closest companions, my Nana. They could have waited longer. I’m sorry I’m selfish but I need you.
Angel in Heaven, there isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t cross my mind. You’re always there. I try to pretend that you are still alive; that you’re just away somewhere and that you will be home soon. But I know deep down this isn’t true. But I continue to wish and hope and pray that I will wake up from this nightmare and that you will come back; that’ll I’ll wake up one day and everything will be okay.
Angel in Heaven, I dream about you almost every night. It’s really you in those dreams. You’re dressed in your outfits, your hair is done the way you like it, you’re wearing your glasses, and your makeup with those rosy cheeks. And we talk. I get to talk to you again. It’s your voice. I get to feel your hugs. You tell me things. You’re alive again. It’s the most wonderful thing. But sometimes I can’t find you in my dreams. And I panic. But I search crowds until I do and then I run to you. And hug you and the hugs feel so real as if they really are from you. Those are the best dreams that I wish were reality.
Angel in Heaven, then I wake up. And I force myself back to sleep. Because my dreams are better than reality; in my dreams you are alive and you can talk to me and hug me. But in reality, you are gone. I sit in an empty house, in your empty rocking chair, listening to your poor kitty meow, wondering where her human has gone. Sometimes that rocking chair rocks back and forth and for a moment I forget that you’re gone and wait for you to descend the stairs but no one comes and I wish, once again, my dreams were true.
Angel in Heaven, what hurts the most is that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell you how much I loved you. I know, that you knew how much I loved you, but I still wanted one last chance to see you smile and laugh. One last chance to feel your warm embrace engulf my now broken body. I wanted one last chance to give you a proper goodbye. One last chance to kiss your cheek and tell you I love you. To be honest, I just didn’t want you to go.
Angel in Heaven, I am trying so hard to stay strong but I am failing. I feel so alone in this battle. Losing you as shaken my whole life out of control and I have no clue how to re-align it. I know you’d want me to stay in school and succeed and I’m trying for you despite this pit you’ve left in my heart.
Angel in Heaven, I just want you to know that life will never be the same without you. That this pain I feel for the loss of you will not subside for a very very long time because you meant so much to me. I know you wouldn't want me to hurt but I can’t help it; I wish that I could make it go away for me and the rest of our family.
Angel in Heaven, please send me strength and motivation to make it through my days here on earth in your absence because God knows I need it.
Dear Angel, I love you.
