The way I remember you growing up versus, the man my kids will remember you as are two completely different men. That breaks my heart completely. You brought me up to never take shit from anyone but, also you out of all people taught me how to have a heart of gold. And unfortunately sometimes having a heart of gold easily makes for cracks in it.

Dad, the man you are today isn’t the man who raised me and my sister. You let alcohol change you in so many ways, not the good ways either. A man who once stood so tall and proud…now walks and sulks around. Once a upon a time I could look in your eyes and see happiness.

Now all I see is sadness, no anger just sadness. I don’t know what changed. I don’t know if apart of it was me moving out at 17. Or was is my cousin dying. Was it the divorce? Because trust me that hurt me to. I loved her to.

Your man who use to not just enjoy his career but love it. You took pride in your hard work, because of that you made me have a strong work ethic. But now you show up late and reek of a bar. Once upon a time you went to bed early, now you go to bed late.

I could call you and talk about anything with you, but now I feel like I can’t. I don’t hear the same man speaking the same words to me. But dad I don’t blame you at all….

Dear alcohol you took my hero from me.

Dear alcohol you took my first love from me.

Dear alcohol your taking my kids pawpaw from them.

Dear alcohol your ruining a once strong man.

Dear alcohol this isn’t easy at all

Dear alcohol I blame you

Dear alcohol I really hate you

Sincerely, a girl down on her knees praying.