It's unreal. It's draining. It's sad. It's heartbreaking. It's life-changing. It's an out of body feeling. It's depressing...
It's the worst feeling in the world. You beg to hear their voice and laugh one more time. You crave their tight hugs. You are smacked with the reality that she is really gone every time you go to text her and the only message you receive back is..."This number is no longer in service."
You're left with a feeling of emptiness that will never be filled, as no one could ever replace her. You become lost in your own emotions. One minute your laughing at all the stupid memories and the next second you find yourself angry at everything and everyone.
IT FUCKS YOU UP.
You'll need that person more than when they were actually here. You beg to have another minute to hug, to laugh, to simply say "I love you" one more time but then you remember she is Heaven now where visiting hours no longer exist. You will be left asking yourself...
Why did this have to happen? How could this be real? What did we do to deserve this?
And the reality that you will never have answers hurts the most.
Hearing her name will pull you down; visiting the places you would often spend time at together will cause you tears, and completing the milestones of life without her will kill you. But, when you think of her as the person she once was instead of as a lost friend, you find yourself recalling all the fun and memorable moments you had the chance to share together.
While it will be hard, it is important to think of her before she died. The love she had for life will always outweigh her death. She never wanted to leave; she had to, though, for she had bigger plans; and we all know she deserved more than what this world could ever give her. She was a beautiful soul inside and out. I will always remember her as a strong woman who loved, who cared, who was brave, who was happy, who was funny, who was outgoing, who was smart, and most of all someone who left an impact on all the lives she entered into.
And while life will never be the same, I must remember to stay strong and expect the fact that what I do will now be for her instead of with her. She was ALWAYS the person I went to when I needed a hug, advice, a laugh, especially when I needed someone to watch my bag at school, and that part of her hasn't and won't ever change. Be open to receiving signs from above... As she appears everywhere whether it's by taking control of my radio, flickering lights, through the stars, and my favorite through rainbows.
She will always live on as will the things she taught me the best...
To live a little and to love a lot.
