Frustrated. Tired. Angry. Lonely. Hurting. These are so many negative emotions that I feel on an almost daily basis. If I can’t seem to read my music the right way, I get frustrated. When my math professor makes the worst puns or when he gets frustrated with my class, I get angry. When I got 6 hours of sleep and I stumble into my 8:00 weight training class, I get tired. When I notice that all of my friends have drifted away, I start hurting, and I feel lonely.
Loneliness is a very common feeling in University. Sometimes it’s feeling lonely in a friendship. You feel like you are friendless. You’re not. They aren’t very present at the moment, and that’s on them, but that doesn't mean that you don’t have friends. Talk to them and ask them why they aren’t talking to you. If they tell you they don’t want to be your friend, their loss. Let them act like they're in elementary school. You can go make new friends. Just go talk to someone. Make someone smile. Sometimes it is the loneliness of relationships. You feel just so single and desperate that you would go to any length just to have a boyfriend, or just to be kissed. Don’t do it for that reason. The other day, I was sitting in chapel (it’s like a shortened church service that my school does) next to my friend E. I
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sit next to E every day in chapel, and I came to a realization. If I were to get a boyfriend, they wouldn’t want me to sit next to E, they’d want me to sit with them. I would no longer eat lunch or dinner with just my girl friends. If I had a boyfriend, he’d get in the way of my independence, just enough to bother me. That's why right now, I am single, and I will be single for a while probably. I get lonely, I feel like the only girl in college who hasn't been kissed, but that’s okay. You don’t need a man to make you complete. Think of it this way: you have a house. Your house is built and is standing on it’s own, perfectly strong. When you’re ready, you get a painting to put on that blank wall. It’s a nice addition. When that painting is gone, the wall feels blank for a while, but your house still stands. The only time that he is a part of your house is when y’all get married. Then, rather than a painting, he’s another room, built on the same foundation (that should be Jesus but that’s another topic for another day). The last kind of loneliness I’m going to talk about is familial loneliness. You haven’t talked to your parents in a while, or if you’re in a complicated situation with them, you feel lonely. I am so sorry to you. No one should have to feel loneliness where they are supposed to feel home, no matter how far they go. That isn’t right. Let me tell y'all something I heard: “home is not a place, but rather a feeling.” This means that the house you grew up in may not be your home, but sitting with your best friends at a baseball game might be. Home is a feeling, and no one can take that away.
When I feel lonely, there is a spot on campus I go to. I walk around and end up in a little room in the musical building on campus. I sit and play piano, sometimes for hours on end. Even if I can’t sing. I don’t feel alone when I’m in there, even if I am the only one in the building. As creepy as that may sound, it’s not a scary kind of “you’re not alone,” but it’s a comforting kind of “you’re not alone.” It’s like God is there. Music makes me feel alive. It brings my spirit joy. Go find your spot. Go play your piano. That may be a stage to act on, a gym to play your sport in, a musical instrument to play on. Follow the music of your heart and let it take you where you need to go to feel less alone.
Go get your mind active. When your mind is activated, you start to think and you realize that how can you ever be alone if the omnipresent God of creation is dwelling inside of you. He is burning in your hearts and in your minds, so how can you be alone? He is there. Your faith feels weak and shaky, but God is there, holding you up, carrying you through this. Can you feel his hands guiding you through the storms of life, showing you which way to go? You may lose track of him every now and then, but he is right there, every time you lose him, so you can come running back into his arms. If He is always there, you are never alone. Go look up the poem ‘Footprints in the Sand.’ It portrays what I am trying to say perfectly. You are not alone, ever.
Accomplished. Energized. Happy. Strong. These are feelings that I feel about as often as the first 5 I listed. I hope that ever set of eyes reading this, and every set of ears hearing this can understand what it is like to feel these things. I challenge every single one of you to find these feelings, to know what happiness is. But, start your search where happiness can be found. Start with Jesus.
~K
P.S. I’m adding Bible verses down here so y'all go look these up when you get the chance. They are super duper helpful.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Psalm 27:10
1 Samuel 12:22
Romans 8:31-38
Matthew 28:20
Isaiah 41:10
1 Peter 5:7
Proverbs 18:24
1 Corinthians 10:13
Psalm 147:3
Isaiah 40:31
