Your room is dark, tears streak down your face, and a pint of your favorite Ben and Jerry's sits on your lap. You've just had your heart broken and you feel like you might never recover from it. Whether it's the first or 50th time you've dealt with this, heartbreak will never be something we look forward to or enjoy experiencing. While it's not a pleasant experience, it is certainly an important part of life which we learn a lot from. While heartbreak is commonly associated with break ups from serious romantic relationships, it can also come from the one that got away or even friendships that ended on bad terms. No matter the situation, a broken heart is something that will shape the way you look at future relationships and possibly even yourself.
Every relationship is different, which means every the end of every relationship will be different as well. Not all relationships will end badly. Sometimes people just drift apart. People do change and sometimes what was once compatibility has faded. People come and go into your life and while you have the option to fight for someone, sometimes fate just renders that fight useless. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and sometimes people are just not meant to be in our lives, and most times that is for the better. For example, some relationships are not good for you, but you are blinded by love and cannot see this. A toxic relationship will take a serious toll on you and affect the way you see yourself and everyone around you. A lot of the times we want to give the people we love the benefit of the doubt, but when will we start to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and put ourselves and our happiness first? Relationships with others might end, but we'll always have to deal with the relationship we have with ourselves which is why we need to think about that going into, during, and at the end of relationships with others.
How to prepare for heartbreak
Going into any relationship, the first thing you need to do is to realize that there is a possibility that it could end badly. Prepare for the worst, but expect the best. It's not healthy to go into a relationship expecting it to be terrible; it's almost as if you shouldn't even bother going into that relationship at all. However, if you keep that in the back of your mind, you might eventually have to end things, it will make it much easier if it does happen to end.
Communication is key. I'm sure this is something your parents and grade school teachers drilled into your head, but it really is important. You need to be open and honest with anyone you enter a relationship with. First off, you need to be honest about what you want out of the relationship, i.e. something more casual or maybe something more serious. If, going into it, you both cannot agree on what you would like to gain from each other, there is really no point in pursuing it any further, as you won't be able to make each other or yourself happy. Certainly, try to compromise so that you can both reach happiness and have a positive relationship, but do not force anything. If you can not talk through honestly to find something that will keep both ends of the relationship happy, then it is better to let go before it turns into something toxic.
Listen to the warning signs. There are many clear signs that will show that a relationship is beginning to turn sour. Do not ignore them. Making excuses for why things are going wrong is not going to get you anywhere. Accept these signs and try to fix them, but do no force anything. In addition, listen to when others tell you they see warned signs or anything suspicious. A lot of times we are blinded by our feelings, but those who are not emotionally involved will be able to see clearly and tell you unbiased if there is something wrong that are a cause for concern. Listen to it them no matter and take them seriously.
Handling heartbreak when it comes
Unfortunately, heartbreak is inevitable and it will come. When it does, it is a lot easier to handle when you were prepared for it, though it is still going to be very hard.
The most important thing to remember when handling heartbreak is not to play the name game. Of course you're going to want to blame the other person, and begin throwing accusations at them, but this will not get you anywhere. Relationships are not a one way street, therefore both people responsible for the downfall of it. Accept what you have done wrong that might have led to the end and acknowledge what your partner did or failed to do, but do not put all the blame on anyone.
Do not bash the other person. I cannot stress this enough. I'm sure, especially if things ended on especially bad terms, you want to scream how terrible this person is at the top of your lungs and bash them all over social media in a Kimye vs. Taylor Swift style, but the only thing that this does is make you look bad. Sure you might blow off some steam and get some retweets, but in the end, what really is the benefits of this? You look very childish. First off, you were obviously just posting positively about them, and such a quick change will raise eyebrows in your direction. Revealing someone else's secrets or details about your previous relationship will make you look like a disrespectful and untrustworthy person. Second of all, everyone understands the break ups happen, and no one besides the two involved will ever know the full story, but the way you act after is what will build people's opinion on you. That is why is is so important to try and remain classy choose to stay silent. You know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.
Another just as important tip is not overreacting. By this I mean do not go delete all the photos, trash any gifts, and create a voodoo doll of your former significant other. I'm sure you are experiencing a lot of emotions, but do not be destructive. Not all of your relationship was bad, and the photos and gifts are all mementos of the happy times. Keep these so that you can look back fondly and remember the positives. Pictures especially are physical evidence that you were once happy with this person. Time and anger might tint your memories, but you can't alter the photo. If seeing these things out in your room is too much for you to handle, simply put in the back of your closet. I promise, one day when feelings have faded and you'd looking through old pictures and you see these, you will smile and be happy that you kept them.
My final tip in handling heartbreak is to keep it as quiet and personal as possible. Choose one or two close friends whom you know you can trust to divulge the entire story to, but other than them be very vague but polite. Saying something as "it just wasn't working out between us anymore" will avoid placing blame and keep others at a safe distance. Having others in your business is never beneficial. People taking sides will only lead to more hurt and anger. This is between only the two of you, and it should be kept this way.
Having your heart broken is not easy. It is not fair. It takes a toll on you emotionally as well as physically. I would like to say a small last minute disclaimer that everything I said was simply my advice and tips. I am not saying this is how you should act, only the way that I think it would be best for me personally. Do not let anyone tell you how to act or feel. Experience heartbreak how you need to in order to heal. Experience the heartbreak, because one day, you will fall in love and thank everyone who broke your heart and made it so much stronger to be able to hold the love of your soulmate.
