When you first visit a new country, it is exciting. Everything you see is with wonderment and glitter. But when you stay longer, you start to notice things that go amiss. The ugliness shows itself from the shadows.

What do you do when you go into culture shock? Do you feel angry? Sad? Lonely or desperate? I’ve felt all of these emotions when I went abroad for several months. I heard everyone went through this stage, but I never believed it would happen to me. I felt like I had chosen a safe choice - England. Language would not be a problem, but I did not expect people to use different phrases and wording.

In America, when we ask about someone’s day, we say, “How are you?” not “How are you getting on?” I probably did a double take the first time I was asked and hesitated a bit—“getting on?” That’s a strange way to put it.

“Are you in the queue?” replaced the American: “Are you in line?” I conditioned myself to ask, “Where is the toilet?” versus “Where is the restroom/bathroom?” to avoid a fit of giggles from the locals. These small nuances might not seem strange, but when they build up and happen everyday, I felt frustrated and very far from home.

Interacting with people was slightly different, too. Since I was little, I was taught to smile often and be friendly, and I expected others to be friendly as well. This was not the case when I lived in England. At first, I thought: “Is everyone unhappy?” No one was smiling, but no one had an angry face either. I felt that everyone in my environment needed to fit what I was used to, what I was comfortable with. Oh boy, that did a do a lot of damage.

I realize that I placed a huge weight on myself by thinking in black and white—right and wrong. Veteran travelers often told me that I should try change my perspective by accepting that “things are different” When you are a foreigner, your thoughts often default to thinking, “This is wrong. Why do act this way? It shouldn’t be this way. In my own country we…” We do not know what to do. We do not know how to fit in, so we want other people to be like us. It is fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness happening at the same time—like a gigantic pressure forced onto a feeble, pebble of coal. How do you deal with that?

Wait. Observe. Listen. Repeat. Then, be brave and take action.

I have yet to find another solution to culture shock. Part of handling the shock is to let it happen. You will be okay. It is all right to be frustrated. It is not you. Just like your body adjusts to temperature change, your mind is adjusting to your new social surroundings. Wait for the frustration to subside. Observe your surroundings. What is happening? What are other people doing? Listen to how others speak. What are they saying? Are you starting to understand their language? Now—are you ready to take action?

If you do not take action, you cannot complete the final step of your journey to understand a new culture. It is only through doing—interacting—with others that you start to understand them. It is the only way to build a friendship. It is the only way your fears will dissipate and turn in to joy, delight, and warmth. If you cannot bring yourself to take action, that is okay. You can observe a little while longer. Some people take longer than others to warm up. The important part is that you try.

If you fail, try again and again until you get a small little victory: “People don’t look at my strangely anymore. Locals understand me when I speak to them.”

Similar to your initial fears, your small victories will build up and you will become more confident. Eventually, whether it takes you three months or three years, the shock will subside and you will have adjusted.