You were supposed to be with me.

I've dealt with my emotions pretty well the past few weeks. I think I've kinda hidden them, but I dealt with them.

I've gotten through every day no matter how hard it is.

And some days I still don't think it hits me, but as I started to pack my things away for my new apartment and college, I don't think it has ever hit me more.

You were supposed to be here.

You were supposed to be moving into an apartment a few blocks from mine and I was supposed to see you on campus.

We were supposed to hang out this summer and we were supposed to go to parties together. I was supposed to buy you Starbucks and you were supposed to help me with Spanish.

It's not fair at all and I'm so mad that you aren't here.

It's not fair that at such a young age, your friends had to carry your casket.

It's not fair that your parents had to bury you.

It's not fair that your family has to go through this and it's not fair that you didn't get to experience more of life.

It's not fair that I have to listen to your best friend as he tells me about the uncertainty of his living plans, because he was supposed to live with you...

But it's only fair that I'm there for him just like you were there for me.

And as mad as I am and as unfair as it is, I keep telling myself to be thankful for the life that you lived and the time that we had together.

I am so mad that things ended this way, but I have to continue to smile because I know that's what you would have wanted me to do.

I have to take risks and I have to live my best life...that's what you would've said.

So I promise to get out of bed every day with a smile on my face. And I promise to live my best life.

Until I see you again...