Oh good god, DC. I warned you. I f*cking warned you.

“Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” is DC’s attempt to solidify themselves as the edgy, alternative version of Marvel’s wildly successful cinematic universe. Instead, Warner Brothers demonstrates it lacks the capacity to handle the gold mine of character licenses they own. It doesn’t say much when the true star of a superhero movie is the explosions.

The story is in the title. In the fallout from 2013’s “Man of Steel,” Superman (Henry Cavill) is under the same criticism as director Zack Snyder received for the same film, namely that he leaves destruction and death in his wake with his unchecked power and irresponsibility. As political tension and stress grow, aggravated by a scheming and delusional Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg), Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) takes it upon himself and his alter-ego, the Batman, to prove once and for all that God can bleed. Along for the ride are Wayne’s reluctant but loyal butler Alfred (Jeremy Irons), Superman’s plucky reporter girlfriend Lois (Amy Adams) and the shadowy Diana Prince (Gal Gadot).

The acting here ranges from spot-on to mediocre. Adams looks bored in every scene she’s in, and Eisenberg put too much faith in Snyder turning one of the most strategic and brilliant minds in the history of super villainy into a generic, psychotic Joker clone. But Cavill is completely passable and Affleck will silence any of the “Batfleck” backlash he received when news of his casting broke. Bit players like Laurence Fishburne, Diane Lane and Scoot McNairy all give fitting performances that are believable but not invested. However, hats must go off to Gal Gadot. Her sheer presence steals every scene she’s in, and her perpetual smirk as she toys with Affleck is one of the best things in the movie.

Where to even begin with this one? The pacing is very, very off with random dream sequences popping up out of nowhere and montages passing by before they can even be recognized as montages. Unnecessary scenes drag on far too long and scenes that are crucial to understanding the dynamics of the film whiz by minimal screen time. The film has an overall feel of gratuity as if it were trying to shove a feast of emotional moments down the audience’s throat so fast they aren’t given time to properly taste the meal. The action sequences are clearly the highlights of the film and, while admittedly well-choreographed, are poorly lit and, more importantly, don’t carry any weight.

Snyder has officially fallen into the black hole that is the Michael Bay cinematic style, an art form that dictates the audience won’t care about story or character if they get to see explosions and actions to adequately rot away their brain. Such a style might work for 80's nostalgia and 12-year-old boys, but the superhero crowd is much more cynical than that. If we don’t care or feel sympathy for the people being punched across the screen, why should we care that they’re being beat on? If we don’t understand why two characters would want to fight, then what makes you think we want to see who wins? This is especially problematic when working with characters the general audience is already familiar with. Every school child knows that Batman doesn’t kill. It’s his cardinal rule that makes him better than the criminals he hunts. Snyder corrects this by having Batman gun down an entire motorcade with Gatling guns.

And ultimately, that’s why this movie fails. It was expected to live up to the legacy of its characters. Instead, DC presented us with a dumb action movie, marketed soup to nuts. This will go down as an unfulfilled promise, a time when Warner Brothers could have set the new standard for superhero movies but instead left the audience feeling empty and unsatisfied. Preteens will like the massive explosions and fight scenes, but anyone who actually gives a damn will be thoroughly insulted by the end of the first hour.

A note must be made, however, that the soundtrack is fantastic. Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL created a distinctive score for each character, and each is a hidden gem. Whether it’s Luthor’s polarized string ensemble or the almost synthetic strains of Wonder Woman’s entrance theme, the music makes itself a key player in the plot. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to save the movie. Nor are the cameos from Ezra Miller, Ray Fisher and Jason Momoa, all of whom serve as a misplaced post credit scene that could have been a lovely teaser for the rest of the DC cinematic universe, but instead feel like a desperate plea for attention when put in context with the rest of the movie. Still, they are the only part of the movie that actually feels fun.

In short, save your money. Don’t see this movie. It committed the cardinal sin of not just any superhero movie, not just any comic book movie, but of any movie that serves as an adaptation of another medium. It made me question why I loved the original source material to begin with. If this is any indication to go by, don’t see “Suicide Squad” when it comes out in August. I know I won’t. I might go see the stand alone Wonder Woman movie in June next year, but only because of Gal Gadot’s subtle performance. But until they start paying me to write these reviews, I’m not going to willingly subject myself to such frustration again. 1/5.