Who knew that the IFAF 2015 Football World Championship was going on in Canton, Ohio the last few weeks? To recap the tournament; bunch of USA football players destroyed the world and brought home the gold after crushing Japan 59-12 in the championship game. This kind of sparked this idea of putting every single president of the United States on a depth chart for a football team. Since there have only been 44 presidents, I was not able to do a full NFL roster so instead I decided to list the starters of every position.
Defensive playbook, 3-4 attacking.
Right end: William McKinley. Why? The 24th President William McKinley needs to get this team 15-17.5 sacks if they want to be a force on this side of the ball.
Nose tackle: Grover Cleveland. Why? 275-pound nose tackle in President Cleveland wouldn’t be the smallest nose tackle to ever play on a gridiron.
Left end: Millard Fillmore. Why? President Fillmore, during his childhood, worked on his father’s farm. I believe that hard work and work ethic turns into a monster left end.
Outside linebackers: Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy. Why? Clinton just screams pass rusher. He would be the reason the quarterback doesn’t sleep the night before the game. JFK used to play wide receiver on the Harvard football team, but switch him to picking up a running back in the flats? No chances that back gets free.
Middle linebackers: Zachary Taylor and Chester A. Arthur. Why? A mean pair in the middle of the defense Taylor and Arthur would limit running backs to short gains, but would get beat in the passing game a time or two.
Cornerbacks: Andrew Jackson and George H.W. Bush. Why? Jackson would lockdown the fastest wide out the opposing team has, Bush would take the bigger one. The only flying allowed is on Air Force One between these two.
Safeties: William Henry Harrison and John Tyler. Why? No coverage break downs between these two as they have commutations skills being president and vice president at the same time.
Offense playbook, Indianapolis Colts.
Quarterback: Harry S. Truman. Why? “Truman throws a bomb to his streaking receiver for a 60 yard touchdown.” For some reason has a ring to it.
Running back: Theodore Roosevelt. Why? Teddy Roosevelt, the 5'10" and 230-pound wrecking ball -- that’s why. “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” I believe this would describe Roosevelt’s running style perfectly.
Tight ends: Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln. Why? Lincoln was the tallest President at 6'4" and would be a red zone nightmare and a great blocker. Jefferson is more of a pass catcher tight end Jimmy Graham type who almost never lines up in the natural tight end spot.
Wide receiver: Barack Obama. Why? Known for spending time on the hardwood, Obama makes an easy transition into catching footballs like getting rebounds.
Eh, maybe not.
Slot receiver: James Madison. Why? The shortest president at 5'4" would be a sneaky fast slot receiver. Wes Welker reminds me of President Madison.
Left tackle: Lyndon Johnson. Why? Vice President of the quarterback equals instant chemistry.
Left guard: William Howard Taft. Why? Three hundred and thirty two pound Taft, who had to bring in a new larger bathtub for the White House, would lead the league in pancakes both on and off the field.
Center: Gerald Ford. Why? Well he was a three-time letter winner at center at the University of Michigan and was voted their MVP in 1934.
Right guard: Ronald Reagan. Why? Reagan’s “Peace through strength” goal during his time in office sounds like something a right guard would yell.
Right tackle: Herbert Hoover. Why? Herbert Hoover just sounds like an o-lineman’s name.
After an onside kick recovered by Jimmy Carter and a 23-yard pass from Truman to Madison, who slips out of bounds with two seconds left, you have a kick from 39 yards away on the left hash. Who do you call?
Kicker: George Washington. Why? Washington probably died with ice in his veins after sailing the Delaware River on that chilly Christmas night. He would put the kick in between the uprights, jump on his bald eagle and fly around the field in the most American celebration of freedom and victory ever.
