3:59 AM

Paul Ryan awakens, as usual, one minute before his alarm sounds. He smacks the "Snooze" button to demonstrate his superior strength, but winces when he breaks a nail. With a sigh, Paul gets out of bed and prepares for another exciting day.

4:05 AM

Paul Ryan spends ten minutes flexing in his bathroom mirror.

4:30 AM

Paul Ryan leaves his home to go on a light, 50-mile morning run.

6:00 AM

Paul Ryan lifts weights. Probably, like 300 pounds, at the very least.

1:30 PM

Paul Ryan cries in a bathroom stall in the LA Fitness women's locker room.

2:30 PM

Paul Ryan gets ahold of himself. "I am a man!" he announces, as he exits the women's locker room. The LA Fitness management sighs, knowing that this will happen again tomorrow.

3:00 PM

Paul Ryan has returned to the Capitol Building. The Congress is back in session. Paul tries to see how many states he can name in ten minutes.

3:10

Paul Ryan looks down at his piece of paper. He could only name 30 states. He shrugs, unfazed, and continues to tune out the hearing.

6:00 PM

Paul Ryan hops into his limo to return home after a hard day's work.

6:45 PM

Paul Ryan's wife has been standing by the door since her husband left, and she greets him as he returns home.

"How was work today, honey?" she asks.

"Great! I filled out another coloring book and benched like 500 pounds!" Paul exclaims.

"Wow, sounds like a lot was done," Paul's wife replied wearily. She then cooks him dinner.

8:00 PM

After dinner, Paul Ryan challenges his children to a pushup contest. His daughter, Liza (age 15) destroys him. Paul flees the room with tears in his eyes.

9:00 PM

Paul Ryan weeps into his pillow.

10:00PM

Exhausted after a long, action-packed day, Paul Ryan falls asleep.

This all begins again tomorrow.