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A Day in the Life of Gus Gus

As told by the hamster himself.

Lillia Woodbury

Dec 18, 2017

Roberts Wesleyan College

144

The Spruce

Welcome. This is a look inside my life. My full name is Gus Gus the Hamster and I’m going to show you what a normal day looks like for me. I start the day by-

…

Hello. My name is Gus. Sorry about that pause. I fell asleep. I start my day at 11:30 at night. The air smells like carrots so I sniff around my bedroom door. Sniff sniff. No carrots. Quick twenty-minute nap. Up again and down the tubes. The carrots! Munch munch munch pause for water munch munch munch. Full stomach, time to run to Timbuktu!

I run for hours. The humans complain it bothers them so I keep doing it. They don’t understand how boring my home is with all the tubes. I need more wheels. I heard talk of a trampoline. Those tubes? Are just hallways. No fun for me. Run run run pause for water run run run.

Then my day is over and I sleep at the late hour of 6:30 in the morning. I live a full life and sleep for the rest of the-WHAT IS THAT EARTHQUAKE WHO IS SCREAMING AT ME

This documentary was almost over but then the humans woke up and started SCREAMING. Leave me alone. They talk but I just hear a loud fog horn that interrupts whatever I’m doing. Sleeping. Eating. Running on my wheel.

Listen to this! Remember how I said the humans don’t like the wheel? Sometimes they decide it’s “too loud” for them and they hold my wheel. Until. It. Stops.

Have you ever heard of anything so rude?

I’m saving up to buy my own apartment. Far away from them and their “cuddles.” Maybe I can buy new humans, too. But enough of that for now. It is time for me to-

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A Day in the Life of Gus Gus

As told by the hamster himself.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!