I always thought the day that I would own a cane would be when I was in my 80's. I figured by then I would have lived a full life of adventures and love. Instead, I found myself the owner of a pink cane back in February of this year.
Life with chronic illnesses has become unpredictable, but it has also taught me so many things about myself, my family, my loved ones, and the world around me. I have learned to be easygoing, due to the fact that when I wake up I never know what the day will hold. I wake up when my pre-set alarm goes off. Even if I have no plans for that day, the alarm has to be set. Since I've been chronically ill, when I sleep I am dead to the world. Barking dogs, the sound of my teenage sister whining in the kitchen, my mom's slippered footsteps; none of it wakes me up in the morning. When my alarm startles me awake, I do a mental inventory of my body. Usually, this involves me tentatively stretching each limb and joint, trying to gauge my pain level. This allows me to decide if it will be a simple Tylenol and Motrin kind of day, or if it will require some more heavy duty pain medicine to get through the day. Some days, with the Tylenol and Motrin, I am able to push through. On these days, I go to my therapeutic yoga class. If I go to class, that wipes me out for the rest of the day. On the other hand, if it's an ouch-I-hurt-everywhere kind of pain day, then I'm definitely not leaving my bed.
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Some glorious days I feel good enough to do more and push myself. Sometimes I can get caught up in these amazing days, and then I wind up overextending myself. My family is always there to remind me to take it easy when I get carried away since they are the ones that end up taking turns sitting at my bedside when I end up in a flare and hospitalized.
Despite the struggles, there are so many moments of joy. I enjoy all of the little things in life; I take nothing for granted anymore. Despite the difficulty, there are so many moments of joy, happiness, and love. Snuggling with my puppy with my heating pad on under the covers feels close to perfection. Moments like giggling with my mom as she gives me a sponge bath during my frequent hospital stays. Connecting with others who are also chronic illness warriors. There is still so much happiness to be enjoyed out there. My days may hold some aches and pains, but they're also full of life.
