Many people do not quite understand what comes with being transgender, or dating someone who is. I am a very liberal, and open minded person, and I have many friends that are part of the LGBTQ community, but I am no expert on it. Dating someone who is transgender has taught me so much, not only about the transgender community, but also about myself and the true meaning of unconditional love.
I have been dating my boyfriend since July of last year, we became friends a couple months before that and I knew him as a female and by his birth name. A while before we started dating he told me he was transgender, and explained how he had felt this way for so long. It was no surprise to me, seeing him slowly become more of himself over the past months showed me how much happier he was being masculine. I didn't exactly know what dating someone who is transgender would entail, but I learned over time. It was an adjustment changing from his birth name to his name now and to he/him pronouns, and I would be lying if I said i didn't mess up more than a few times. We had conversations about what steps he wanted to take to transition and be comfortable in his own skin, or be happy with himself. I did my research to try to be as understanding and supportive as I could. There was a lot of things I didn't know about hormone replacement therapy, surgeries, legal steps, name and gender marker changes, the list goes on.
Dating someone who is transgender is not easy (love, if you're reading this I am sorry). He has mood swings, confidence issues, internal vs external controversy, he gets misgender sometimes, every day is a battle for him. Being in a serious relationship with someone who can be so distant sometimes is difficult, but it is also so rewarding. I have been by his side for his first time he looked in the mirror and saw that his chest is flat, to seeing his first shot of testosterone, and the most recent being one month on testosterone and hearing his voice crack much more frequently. I have seen this lovely human blossom from an introverted, anxious, self conscious boy who was scared to be himself, to an extroverted, humorous, loving, caring man and the changes that have happened for him internally are extraordinary.
I am fortunate enough that I don't feel this kind of disconnection with my body, but loving someone who does feel that is the best thing, because I can see in his eyes just how much he doesn't love himself somedays and it breaks my heart because even when he calls himself "a man with breasts", all I see is a man perfectly made, no matter what. I feel the pain he feels when he struggles, and I feel the frustration and annoyance with the transition just like he does. Being part of someone's transition is much different than the "normal" relationships, it brings a sense of closeness as well as connection because not only is our relationship developing, I am developing with him and we go through this journey together. I am so grateful to have this man in my life and I cannot wait to see what changes are in store for us as this journey continues.
