Oh dating, why must it be so difficult? As a woman who has chosen to take on the dating scene the last year and a half give or take, there are many obstacles to “properly” dating…well dating with the intent of a relationship with the right person. One of which is dating in a “ friend zone” generation. I have certain expectations from men, as a woman dating in her late twenties, most of which I have found relatively easy to pinpoint. Men in my dating pool are not the only gender not interested in dating, and especially relationship, I have met a few women that prefer “friends," Those of us who want to date and have intentions of a relationship, find being friend zoned a familiar place. I have met eligible men that are shall we say emotionally cut off. I understand this feeling too, since I spent four years cutting off my emotions to focus on other things.
Dating in a friend zone generation is very comical because dating is virtually non- existent. Since I have been “trying”( key word) to date I have had two promising prospects and I have only been properly dated by one man. What I mean by proper is being asked on a dinner date, having a dinner date with awesome conversation, and being walked to my car with a good night kiss and a follow up phone call the next day. However, I have been asked numerous times to “come chill”, talk in his or my car, or asking to be invited to my place.
When I state my expectations and my intentions to date, I am met with the funniest and immature responses such as, “I do not have any money, I just bought Jordans,"
“Man, I am not spending money on a female."
“You must want a fairy tale, I don’t do dates.”
And my personal favorite “I cook better than any restaurant you should come here, if you don’t want to come here, you can cook and I will come to your place.”
These are some of the things I hear for first date potentials, now I am not opposed to a romantic home cooked meal, but that is something I envision for fifth dates and beyond. I have also been abundantly aware of my generation completely against love and relationships, therefore, everyone is a friend.
After being the “victim” of many ploys to get me home, I started to wonder what happened to dating and courting? What happened to going out for coffee, conversation, and atmosphere? Are we all so emotionally abandoned that friend zoning feels like the safest solution for a mutual attraction out of fear of finding oneself hurt in the future?
Maybe... I do not mean friend zoning someone because there is no interest or attraction, but friend zoning out of fear, rather it’s fear of being hurt or fear of choosing the wrong person. I fancy myself a good “catch” and I have been complimented as such, but I have been friend zoned more than I care to admit (DON’T judge me!).
It is nearly impossible to date in my generation and those who have managed to accomplish dating and have wonderful relationships are far and few. As a ripple effect, in heterosexual terms, men do not pursue women out of fear of being rejected and friend zoned…understandable, but women are equally friend zoned, even the women such as myself, who will show interest in a man I find attractive and appealing.
Another ripple is my generation has lost the capability to communicate in open meaningful conversation face to face. I tried the online “dating” scene and I found the men would rather chat through a screen, than to converse on the phone or face to face.
I often wonder is the only way for me to date and ultimately have a relationship, to give in to “Netflix and Chill” or boring cramped conversations in the front seat of cars.
Will there ever be someone who can afford a cup of coffee after the purchase of Jordans?
So far, I have only encountered Mr. There are no fairy tales, Mr. Too broke for $2 coffee, and Mr. Listen to my mix-tape in my car. Lastly, since when did a coffee date become the date of fairy tales? I do not need any more friends is my response now, Next Please!
