Dedicated to the girls who overthink everything and love too deeply, you're not crazy he is.
The Beginning:
I want to tell you a short story about an even longer story of an awesome girl, who is so cool, so fun, lit AF, lights up a room with her personality and a boy who, well, is a jerk — and always was one.
You know those rose-colored glasses? Well, I'm a victim of rose-color vision. Be warned: If you have fallen victim to the perception that someone is better than they actually are, this story is for you
It started because he reminded me of something that I knew, reminded me of home and I was really comfortable. I tried not to get too attached, but the more we hung out, the more I couldn't help it. I started telling him everything I hated about myself, all of my dreams, and he did the same.
I felt a genuine connection, and not in a romantic way, but a relationship that I truly trusted and protected to the end. As the year went on, it got harder for me. I didn't like how I felt all the time. I was confused and then let down and confused and then let down again. A continuing cycle that was never benefiting me, but I didn't acknowledge it. I wasn't sure if I was taking the signs wrong or overthinking things. But I truly felt something was there.
So, one day, after a lot of thinking and, you know, "girl talk," I said, "Fuck it he's going to say yes based on our past." So I told him how I felt. But before, I told myself if it was good it was good and if it went bad then I know I have to accept it and move on. It didn't go as excepted but I still saw him in my life. So I tried, and with good faith, but things just got messy and I once again was feeling confused.
Along with feeling confused, I started to feel and BE convenient – and convenient sucks when you really like this kid. I was easy (and not in that way because I know you're thinking that). I was the girl that picked up on the first ring whenever he called or texted, and would bend over backward just to do anything with him or for him. I hate that part of me, but it's true.
The Final Straw:
For my 21st birthday, I decided I wanted to go out. I should've remembered that alcohol and this boy don't mix well. From what started as a good night ended terribly. I was warned not to do this and despite better judgment and proven history, I went along. On my birthday I was left at the bar by him. He wasn't alone when he went home. I went into the bathroom with those rose colored glasses but I came out of the bathroom and my vision went back to normal. To me, that felt like the end of the world (of course me being so dramatic). So, I sat on the side of the road and cried my eyes out and cursed his name.
The Lesson:
At that moment I just kind of thought, what the fuck? WHY did I let this happen to me. Those who are close to me and those who aren't so, know I get defensive very fast but I don't think they realize that I love very hard too. I'm naïve to the people that tend to hurt me the hardest while I continue to let them hurt me. It's safe to say I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk. Now, I'm not telling this story out of pity, I just want to say that, even if somebody doesn't think they owe you anything, well, they're lying. I'm not telling you the whole cliché of forgetting people and letting them go and leaving them out in the dirt (or the side of the road for that fact lol). Just know that people deserve common decency. That's all. You may never love them as much as they love you, but you should respect what they're feeling.
I am embarrassed by what happened that night, but it's one of those times that God put in my life to teach me a lesson. So here's the lesson, kids, if everybody around is warning you about somebody having bad intentions, do yourself a favor and take off those rose-colored glasses before you (and your heart) get left at a bar.
