It seems as though the term "courting" has suddenly slipped from the vocabulary of the modern dating world. Once upon a time, one may have attempted to woo, if you will, by extensive conversations, which led to telephone calls, which ultimately resulted in asking someone on a date, perhaps to a restaurant with a dress code that didn't allow Nike shorts and a giant t-shirt.
Today, however, we have found ourselves, more often than not, eschewing any face-to-face communication at all for the first interaction. We have other tools for that now — DMs, texting, Tinder, Snapchat, etc. While I am a part of this generation, in which a screen is almost as common as a face, I believe our rules of dating have devolved, and the path we are teetering on cannot lead us anywhere lasting.
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Everyone has seen or heard the story of a man and woman on their first date, walking down the street, the young lady's hand in the crook of said gentleman's arm. They happen across a curb they are meant to cross, yet there is a puddle. Being the chivalrous individual that he is, the young man takes off his coat to splay across the puddle, offering his hand to the woman so that she doesn't get her shoes wet. Now, the idea of potentially contaminating a guy's jacket with gutter water — or even the possibility of risking his own Jordans would be something of a rarity. A girl is considered lucky if the restaurant or car door is opened for her. And it's considered a good night if she doesn't have to split the check.
The boys of my generation aren't the only ones who have slightly lost touch with the ways of courtship. Us girls need to remember to step up — or slow down — our game too. No, you probably shouldn't wear your Chacos on the first date, and yes, a natural look might be more beguiling than a makeup-dusted front, but vanity's not all bad. I believe in the value, "what you see is what you get," but maybe try to refrain from burping in front of him until the fifth date, at the very earliest.
Then there's the distinctly modern issue of pacing. It's OK to not give everything away on the first date. Let him wonder what your hands may feel like in his or how your lips feel pressed against his own. You don't have to surrender all that is yours — if he genuinely likes you he will be back, so give him a reason to come back.
Regardless of gender, we've all left certain dating rituals in the past for no better reason than "it is just so traditional."
On the other hand, there are a number of new rituals that we could probably do away with. For example, the term "Netflix and chill" has long overstayed its welcome in the dating realm. The phrase that once actually meant receiving a Netflix flick in the mail and watching it with your family has transformed into an excuse for sex-crazed teens to shamelessly exercise their libidos. It was kind of cute when the sneaky meaning of "Netflix and Chill" was first revealed, but it is anything but romantic and has no place in the beginnings of a relationship.
But perhaps even less romantic is Tinder. It has replaced the mythical real-life conversation, which once allowed you to get to know a prospective partner's personality and what made them, well, them. Now, all you have to do is swipe right. And, if you match, you'll get to know the other person through fiendish, hormone-raging messages, or, if you're lucky, your swipe could result in a date, which could then turn out to be dangerous — we've all seen "Catfish." There is nothing real about the Tinder experience, and the lack of authenticity in our dating sphere has me wondering what our marriages will even look like.
Commitment among the current and upcoming generations is not a concept that we hold dear; it has merely become a suggestion. The number of relationships that have ended, or have tolerated cheating, is beyond comprehension. It seems that divorce has become as common as knowing how to ride a bike. Yes, there are those who have wonderful relationships and we place them on pedestals, labeling them as "goals" (because we have even changed the way in which we talk about dating, such as introducing the term "bae" as a term of endearment).
Sure, traditional ways of courtship are not without its flaws, and I like being able to text my boy and ask him out for lunch or coffee, but if we continue down the road we are seemingly traveling, where will it end? At my high school's 10-year reunion, am I going to be proud of the fact that I've only suffered through one divorce as opposed to those who are on their third or fourth marriage? I'd like to think we will soon find a compromise between old and new, because at the dead sprint we seem to be going as a generation, will the term "relationship" even hold value in our future?
