This weekend I had the privilege of attending the Winter Leadership Summit, hosted by Cru. I went a number of seminars held by missionaries and leaders on staff with Cru, including one hosted by John and Kerri Schneider, two of the wonderful directors on USF’s campus.

The Schneider’s spoke on the topic of dating, what that should look like from a Christian Perspective and how to build ourselves and our partner up in romantic relationships. The most important points John and Kerri drove home were: where you need to be in your walk with Christ to be able to have a successful relationship, the purposes of dating in a Christian way, and ways you enact a healthy and Godly partnership.

You need to be fully satisfied in Christ before you begin to pursue another person. This may seem a little odd, after all, don’t we date to grow with another person? But it’s true. If you don’t understand that there are gaps in your life and in your heart that only your one true Father can fulfill, you will always bee seeking another person to occupy that space. Kerri pointed out how unfair that was, to put on another person that which only God can do. You need to let Christ fill your life and realize that you don’t need this person to fulfill you, that Christ alone will always be enough.

Dating prepares you for marriage. I don’t think there are many people out there who would disagree with that statement. But John brought another perspective to the table: date someone as though you were preparing them for their marriage, even if the person they end up with is not with you. Treat them with the respect you would as through you knew they were destined to be with someone else, after all they be. You aren’t married until you say “I do.” Love them, care for them, respect them don’t take from them what isn’t yours to take. That level of maturity and honor for God and your partner is what builds strong and steadfast relationships.

Finally, the Schneiders touched on ways to build a healthy and Godly relationship with your partner, and advice in general. Make God a center of your relationship. Read the Bible with them, pray together, make Him a focus, not an afterthought. Observe them. How do they treat their mother? Friends? How does he treat you in public? Private? Be sure not to a date a person from who they may become. You don’t know how someone will grow and change over time. And lastly, set emotional boundaries throughout your relationship. Invest your emotional capital into your partner over time, not all at once. Too much, too fast leads to feeling drained and overwhelmed which can be quite draining to a young relationship.

Most importantly, keep an open communication between God and your partner, it’s the only way to build a healthy and steadfast relationship and grow in your faith with Him.