Huge controversy exists between nature v. nurture, but what about observing v. experiencing? Is it better to learn about dating through observing other relationships, or repeatedly getting your heart broken until you figure it out? This is a huge battle: To date or not to date.
Experiencing: I did most of my "dating" in junior high, if that even counts. While I did learn a few lessons, most of my dating knowledge came from my friend's relationships in high school. I was too focused on choir and schoolwork to really worry about dating in high school. I learned early on what I wanted in a relationship by being hurt from other boys. However, I didn't fully understand how to act in order to get what I wanted, until I watched other girls make continuous mistakes.
For example, my first boyfriend had a lot of relationships before we started dating. Since I hadn't entered the dating scene yet, I was scared to have my first kiss. I felt pressured by him to have my first kiss because he was well past having his first kiss. We had one kiss for a millisecond, and then I broke up with him. It was very clear to me that I wasn't ready, so I couldn't be locked into that pressure. From then on, I told whoever my boyfriend was from the start that it would take some time before I felt comfortable enough to kiss. And it worked!
Observing: That was a great way for me to learn from my experience in order to know what to do for my next relationships. My high school friends taught me a lot as well. I would have friends that were in much more experienced relationships than I had ever been in. Their boyfriends would want to be intimate and sometimes used their insecurities to get it. Every teenage girl is vulnerable to rejection, so they typically always gave in. Don't get me wrong; not all teenage boys pressure girls into sex. Some girls use that as a technique to get a guy's attention. I noticed how these girls were dressed and what they were advertising. I would hear stories about what they would tell their boyfriend and then be shocked how he thought them saying they were home alone meant, "let's have sex."
It amazed me how these girls didn't realize they were putting themselves out there. Making out in the school halls, dressing with shorts showing their butt and tempting guys to have intimate relations attracted the bad boy type. Then they would wonder why these guys didn't respect them more or why they weren't considered marriage material. From then on, I learned that in order to attract the type of gentleman I wanted, I needed to be classy as well. Respecting myself would make others respect me.
If I hadn't observed that, I don't think it would have been as clear to me. If I had experienced that, I think it would've taken me several years to truly understand what I was doing wrong. There is a benefit from watching from the sidelines.
