This month my boyfriend finishes up processing out of the U.S. Army and officially will be back home in Michigan.
The entirety of our relationship has been spent long distance, separated at least by 3 or 4 states, and even further during his deployment which put us thousands of miles apart. To give a little bit of a perspective, over the course of 2017, I only saw my boyfriend in person 24 out of those 365 days. It is crazy… I know.
Having a long-distance relationship with a person in the Army is more than difficult, it can seem impossible at times. His deployment and our time apart has taught me so much about love and relationships though, and I am so thankful for that.
Deployment taught me:
1. Love Is A Choice
Falling in love can be quite easy, but the act of continually loving another person will eventually take work. Being 6,384 miles away from the guy I loved the most showed me that love really was a choice. Each day we would do small, but not insignificant things, to show one another we still loved each other and we were committed to making our relationship work.
2. Communication Is Key
Facebook Messenger became our sole form of communication. Through the app we would message or call mostly, and video chat here or there (I don’t have WIFI at home). It was important to be honest about the things going on in our lives and to share our feelings in a way that could be understood being so far apart. We talked on the phone during the good days and the really bad days so messaging didn't become the only way we communicated.
3. Trust Sets The Foundation
In a relationship it is important to trust your significant other. During deployment I had to trust that he was going to do everything in his power to come back safely, and he had to trust that I wasn’t going to forget about him while he wasn’t here. I also entrusted him with my heart and know that he will always care for me and his intentions are good.
4. Your S.O. Should Also Be Your Best Friend
What makes my relationship with Dustin work so well is that I think of him as also being my best friend. He is the first person I want to share exciting news with because I know he will be happy for me, and he's the one I can go to when I’m having the worst day, because he will always lift me up. He makes me laugh more than any other person and I feel like I am my whole true self when I am with him. This is what sets our relationship apart from any other I have had in the past. He is my best friend.
5. True Love Can Withstand Long Distances
Being in a long-distance relationship sucks, but in some crazy and somewhat unexplainable way we make it work. I don't think anyone would choose to go 9 months without seeing their boyfriend, but I can't imagine not having him in my life, even if it meant being so far away for so long.
6. Time Is Too Precious To Waste
Deployment helped me be more thankful for the time I did get to spend with my boyfriend. Each day with him before he left was like a fairy tale. Time stood still, but flashed by so quickly all at the same time. I realized just how valuable time is, and will always be thankful for the days I got to spend with him before he had gone. I cannot wait to cherish the days we have yet to spend together as well.
7. To Love Is To Listen
Communication is important, but so is listening. Some days you just have to vent and other days you have to be the one to listen to the venting. Listening to the frustrations brought on by some days allows someone to better understand what is truly bothering that other person and sheds light on to a possible solution. There were days I didn't really understand all the frustrations that can be brought on by being in the military, but listening and trying to understand allowed us to be able to support one another.
8. Not Everyday Will Be So Great
Some days during the deployment really sucked. The few days that I wasn’t able to hear from him at all were the hardest, mostly because fear begins to creep into your mind that something may have gone wrong. We also missed out on celebrating some big life events together, like my college graduation and his 21st birthday.
9. Space Is Important
Having time apart from your significant other is also important. 9 months in Afghanistan is kind of pushing the space limit, but I learned the importance of continuing to allow myself a life somewhat separate from my loved one. I don't mean living a double life and hiding things from my partner, but taking time to spend with friends or doing things I like to do, like writing or doing yoga are also important.
10. Appreciate The Little Things
Having someone you care about deployed overseas can be tough, but there were a lot of small things that I appreciated about the experience that made the distance a little more bearable. I loved being able to send care packages to my boyfriend each month. I tried to be as creative as possible and decorated them according to a theme I had chosen for that month. It was fun and exciting to hear his responses to the various kinds of boxes and it helps us feel closer to one another despite the miles between us.
I am excited that soon I will no longer go weeks or months without seeing my boyfriend as he prepares to come home and start a new chapter of life. I learned so much about him, our relationship and myself during deployment, and I will forever be thankful for his service and sacrifice to our country. This whole experience has shown me I have definitely found a really good one!
