I am what most people consider an “old soul”. I love black and white pictures, old Hollywood stars, and I have a special place in my heart for fun facts that only I think are fun about early twentieth-century US history. I could sit and listen for hours to my parents and grandparents talk about the “good old days”. My favorite stories, hands down, are the ones they tell about how they met and started dating. The romance and charm that characterize those stories are so magical, and honestly how I thought all love stories happened. But as I get older, I’ve learned that this is not the case anymore. Romance is no longer characterized by asking a girl out on a date, pulling out all the stops to really impress someone, the feeling of butterflies, or just plain chivalry and respect. Nowadays, romance is considered sliding into someone’s DMs, swiping right, maintaining a snap streak, or the infamous “Netflix and chill”. But what I want to know is why did that change happen, and how do we get it back to the way it was?

One of the main reasons this generation sucks at romance, is that for whatever reason, we suck at commitment. There are all these different terms for different phases of a relationship; the concepts of “talking” to someone or being “together” are vastly popular. These are just phases in a relationship when two people casually text all day and basically act like they are in a relationship without the monumental pressure of calling it like it is and putting a label on it. “Exclusive” is a very sacred word in the world of dating and relationships for this generation. The thought of exclusively being in a relationship with one person for some reason scares the crap out of everyone my age. This pressure of commitment stems from the fear of someone better coming along or the fear of missing out on something because you’re “tied down”.

But why?!

Having someone by your side to experience all the fun things life has to offer just makes the experiences more memorable. You have someone to share all the good things in life with, and someone to be there for you through all the bad things too, and the other way around. The idea of having someone by your side to compliment you instead of complete you is an important lesson this generation needs to learn. Everyone has these unrealistic expectations to meet their soul-mate early on in life, the person that makes them whole. But then this whole thing happens of talking and “hooking up” and “catching feelings”, communication goes out the window, and you and whoever you thought you were dating are not on the same page anymore. The fear of commitment paralyzes some people and the people that get left behind build up a wall, and this vicious cycle continues.

But, when people find peace and confidence in themselves first and then go out onto the dating scene, it all falls into place. When people go in with the mindset that they are looking for someone that will add to their life instead of someone that will complete their life, the end result becomes so much more meaningful and worthwhile. When you and someone you meet communicate and agree that you both want the same things, that is when the real romance comes out again. The grand gestures to impress, the romantic dates, the commitment. It all happens because you care about the person, their feelings, and your relationship. You are no longer scared of a label or worried about what comes along. The romance comes alive because you want to put in the effort that goes into it.

We are no longer a culture characterized by romance and dating; we are a hookup culture and I do not like it at all. We have to do our part and get romance and relationships back to the way they were in the “good old days”. We have to communicate and step out of our comfort zones and just ask that person out; because what

could happen is so much bigger than wondering what would’ve happened if you just did it. We have to become a culture where the fear of commitment stands no chance. It’s not crazy to think that dating and relationships can go back to the way they were because there was a time when that was the normal way to do things. But until that happens, you can find me in an exclusive relationship with ice cream, because ice cream does not care about someone better coming along.