Everyone knows the old saying about when you date someone, you’re also dating their family or their friends. Well, if that someone who you happen to be dating is involved heavily in their community’s theater, you’re also dating the whole theater. Not just their cast members, but their director, producer, the tech crew, and probably even the building itself. What does that mean exactly, though?

Rehearsal can and will take up a hefty chunk of their free time.

It’s expected to have to deal with your significant other’s work or school schedule, but theater can easily add many hours to that schedule everyday, sometimes including weekends. When rehearsal first kicks off, depending on the size of the show, it’s likely that you’ll have a decent amount of time with your partner before their character is needed at every rehearsal. However, closer towards the show’s opening night, especially during tech week, rehearsal can be an every night thing that lasts until late hours of the night. This could theoretically make the time that you do get to spend together that much more special, or it could just be annoying. But hey, that’s what we have to deal with when sports exist...so we’re kind of even.

You’re going to get conned into helping with stuff.

Sets need to be built, tickets need to be taken, things need to be taken down and put away...and who is most likely to get roped into doing that? Families and friends of the theater. From experience, it’s usually spouses or parents (depending on the age of the person involved) who wind up doing these things. You usually won’t get paid for this either, you just score some massive brownie points with your significant other and all of their theater friends. In some cases, building a set turns into filling a role in the next small play. “It’s just a couple of lines and I really need someone,” is a line that I’ve heard used on so many innocent helpers who, before they can process what has happened, are thrust into the lead role in an upcoming production.

Side note on this: It’s hard to turn down the theater mafia coming at you with favors, but trust us, we aren’t going to get mad if you aren’t up for it. No relationship has ever ended because one of the people wouldn’t volunteer to help. We have other options than just you, it’s just easier and more convenient to ask someone we are constantly around and very close to. You’re usually invited to the cast party either way.

You’re often going to question their sanity.

The days leading up to a show are stressful on the cast and crew. We’re constantly going over things in our head and preparing for the big day. Our methods of preparation aren’t always conventional. Once, I spent the whole day before a performance talking with a British accent to really get into character. Other times, I’ve sat in the mirror drawing mustaches on my face to figure out which style best suited the role, or said lines to myself over and over until I felt like I was emphasizing the right words. I’m sure anyone who was around me thought I was a basket case. If the show happens to be a musical, you better be prepared for them to be singing show tunes to themselves at any given moment, often without realizing it’s happening. You could be at a restaurant and if the waiter says a trigger word, a whole song could start. During my involvement with Into The Woods, nobody dared say the word “agony” around any of the cast or crew because apparently not everyone wants to hear the soundtrack a million times. It’s been a year and a half and I still sing it from time to time.

There are over a thousand inside jokes that you won’t ever understand.

This one is especially true for myself and I constantly feel bad about it. Sometimes the cast and crew of a show form such a bond that the show is forever going to brought up at least five times per gathering and at any given moment on social media. You’ll probably get sick of hearing about it, but just understand that our shows are basically our children. We like to brag about them and show off pictures of them to anyone who has a moment. Some jokes have absolutely nothing to do with the show, but more so what happened backstage or during rehearsals. We could come home and tell you an hour long story about Cheetos that won’t make sense or be very funny to you, but to us, it’s the funniest thing ever. For our sake, just nod along and fake a laugh every so often, it makes us feel better and it saves you from an hour long backstory to go with the hour long story.

Stage romance is a thing.

Most plays have some romance in them in some way or another. This could just be something as little as a couple existing in the show, or the whole show centering around said couple. There will be cases where the couples have as little romantic interaction as hugging or holding hands, but sometimes there are the infamous stage kisses. I have never been in a production that required me to kiss someone, so this is coming from being a witness and what my friends have told me from their experiences with them. Yes, it sucks to see someone you’re romantically involved with kiss someone else. Believe us, we’re only doing it for the show. We are not interested in any romantic relationship with our costar, and there is no passion or intimacy behind the kiss. It’s fake, it’s quick, and then it’s over. It’s not an actor kissing another actor, it’s a character kissing another character. We know it’s hard, and we completely 100% understand if you aren’t okay with it. But, please, please, please, make it known and talk it over with your significant other instead of just being mad about it. We can work around that if we have to. There are ways to fake a kiss on stage, it’s just inconvenient if not necessary. That being said, if you’re in theater and you have to do a stage kiss...don’t make your significant other wait until they’re in the audience to find out about it. Nobody wants to be surprised by that.

People involved in theater tend to be quirky, energetic, and fun to be around. We love unconditionally and there’s never a dull moment around us. If you can handle all of the stuff that comes with dating someone involved in theater, then you’re guaranteed a fun-filled, lasting relationship. Hopefully you’ve learned some things by reading this, and maybe even related to some of it.