How I Met My Abuser

It all started my freshman year of high school. It involved all the normal stress and drama of a small town school. One day, in October, I believe, I finished lunch and walked to the weight room for my freshman weightlifting class. There was a new student messing around with some of the equipment. I walked over with one of my friends to introduce myself and he told us his name. I asked him what his birthday was and his answer is probably the reason we became friends in the first place. We have the same birthday and he's only 2 hours younger than me. I had no idea how close we would become over the next few months. We talked a majority of that class and every weights class afterwards until he left, but that takes us to the next section...

The Day He Was Taken Away

Now, I have a tendency to not pick the greatest "love interests", so don't judge my stupidity with the whole "bad boy" phase. My abuser liked to smoke weed like many of the students at my school. It was never really my thing, so he never tried to push me to try anything. Finals week rolled around and my abuser decided to give a Xanax to a girl who had asked him for one because she was stressed out. Long story short, she got caught, she told the school/police department who gave her the Xanax, and the principal walked into our weight class, escorted my abuser outside, and we watched him get loaded into the cop car.

Juvie Time

My abuser was sentenced to 30 days in a juvenile detention center for drug distribution. That was not the first time he had sold drugs, and he kept confessing to more drug-related crimes. He confessed himself into almost a full year in juvie. I believe it was 359 days to be exact. He was gone from April 2016-April 2017. While inside, he got his GED and saved money from the job he had inside. It was a totally legal job provided by the institution, no drug-related offenses whatsoever. When he was finally released, I couldn't wait to see him.

It's Been A While

I didn't get to see my abuser the night he got back because it was pretty late, but I went to his house to see him the next afternoon after school and practice. Of course, since we hadn't seen each other in almost a year, it was a little awkward at first and I was nervous that we wouldn't be friends anymore. We just sat in his room, catching up. No physical thing happened except for a hug. We talked for a few hours until my mom said I needed to get home.

Daily Routine

Since my abuser had gotten his GED, he got a job during "school hours". After I was done with practice around 4:30-5:30 PM, I would immediately drive to his house to do homework, talk, play games, and just hangout until around 11 PM when my mom said I had to get home soon. Granted, I only lived 2 minutes away from my abuser, so I never really "missed" curfew. It became a routine of school, practice, get to his house, play, eat the dinner he made me, hangout, go home. After a while, it became almost a dating situation, but without the official "boyfriend/girlfriend" labels. As we teenagers like to call it, "talking".

Good Times

During my daily trips to his house, we would play games on the xbox with his younger brother. I was terrible, but none of us cared. I felt like I was a part of the family. When it was only my abuser and I in the living room, he liked to casually show me "affection". We would be in the middle of a game and he would lean over and nibble on my ear or chest or try to give me a hickey. I usually just asked him what he thought he was doing and we would go back to playing on the xbox.

In his bedroom, we would just lay there and talk or even just scroll through our phones while being next to each other. Some times he would tickle me to get my attention because he knows I hate it. Sometimes we would just take naps together because I was usually tired from practice.

My favorite memory with him was one of the days we were just hanging out in the living room. I was laying on the couch and my abuser was playing with my hair so I could take a nice little nap. The reason I loved that day was because I didn't fall asleep, but HE did. I didn't want to wake him up, so I just moved his hand, grabbed my stuff, and headed home. I texted him to let him know where I went.

Red Flags

Now, all those happy memories weren't the only thing going on at that time. There were occasional red flags that I ignored because I loved him.

Violence: giving bone-crushing hugs that actually hurt, chasing me with a taser, teasing me with a switchblade, and chasing me with boiling water

Affection: giving me hickeys after I told him to stop

The Incident

Being my stupid self, I ignored the red flags. One day, while we were watching TV, he walked behind the couch and put me in a choke-hold. I thought he was just messing around, but then he started tightening his arm around my neck. I started panicking and scratching at his arms and telling him that he was hurting me. He kept tightening the hold past the point where I couldn't talk anymore. As my vision faded, I heard his brother walking down the hall towards the room we were in. He entered the room and I heard him say, "Uhh, what are you doing?". My abuser released the hold and I started gasping for air, coughing, and eventually crying. I grabbed my stuff and left.

More Stupidity

That night, my abuser messaged me repeatedly saying that I never told him to stop, and that I quit trying to stop him. Technically, both are true, but I told him he was hurting me and I didn't stop fighting him until I started to blackout. He profusely apologized and swore it wouldn't happen again. I went back to his house the very next day.

We went back to the "good times" with the occasional red flags for about a week and then the "incident" became more frequent. Every time I left, he would convince me to come back.

How It Ended

Now, I wish that I could say it was my decision to quit seeing him, but it wasn't. He got a girlfriend, so we quit hanging out. Within a few weeks, they moved in together in a different town and he proposed to her. He cut off all contact with me and, for that, I am thankful. I don't know where I would be right now if he hadn't... maybe dead, on drugs, or engaged to a drug dealer.

I have only seen him a few times since then and none of them were on purpose. When he comes to town to visit his brother, I usually run into him because it's a small town. When I do see him, I go into panic mode. My heart races, my breathing speeds up and I stay paranoid for the next few days/weeks. One time, he caught me off-guard while I was heading home after school. Both of our cars were stopped at the same 4-way stop. I noticed it was him and I totally freaked out. My sister almost had to drive home because I couldn't focus on anything except my abuser that was only a few steps away.