Wrong. I thought I had the worst date of my life already, but clearly God still had a couple tricks in the cards for me. The night started off smoothly, with him arriving on time and giving me a deep bow when I opened the door. But by the end, it had take a turn for the worse...

1. The Uber Ride

Don't get me wrong, the driver was wonderful. But offering us water bottles for the 17 minute ride over? Don't waste that on me.

2. He Messed Up the Reservation

I understand that accidents happen, but really? He made the reservation for the wrong day and we had to wait 35 minutes for a table. "Well, at least we have a bottle of water to hold us over," he joked as he offered me a sip. Great.

3. The Drinks Order

The waitress seated us at a pleasant table with mood lighting. "Hello, my name is Madeline," she said. "Is there anything I can get you two to drink this evening?"

He said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Madeline. Yes, would you mind two waters, your best blush wine for the lady, and your merlot for me?"

I wrinkled my nose in disdain. How presumptuous of him. Does he expect me to tag along in his consumption like an idiot?

4. The Dinner Conversation

The food was marvelous, the service excellent. He asked me what my favorite movie was.

"I really enjoy watching tragic heroes," I began, "so my favorite movie would probably have to be Dr. Strangelove."

"Oh really? I love that movie. It's so crazy and hilarious!" He said. I stared at him, waiting for him to acknowledge his irony, but he just appeared to become uncomfortable by the silence following the statement and gulped down his rat poison beverage.

5. Dessert

Madeline returned, breaking the silence. "How's everything going? Did we save room for dessert?"

He turned to her, sweating (probably more fluoride than water), and asked, "What desserts do you have this evening?"

"Tonight we are serving a peach gelatin, and water cake."

Water cake? Water cake?! "Excuse me, what the hell is water cake?"

"It's a rice- and water-based dessert from Japan. It's really yummy!" she said with a stupid little smile.

"I am so unbelievably disgusted with your restaurant. The audacity to serve all this..." I motioned to the water products scattered around the table, from the complimentary glasses to my date's crumpled, drained plastic bottle. "I suppose your reason why this is okay is because it 'strengthens' your teeth, right?"

Madeline stammered dumbly for a moment and then fell silent. After a couple of seconds, she said, "Well, if you don't want the water cake, we also have the peach gela-"

"Oh my god, I feel like I'm the crazy one." I stormed out of the place.

6. The After-Dinner Argument

My date caught up with me outside. Apparently, I had left my purse at the table. It could have happened to anyone. I had already called an Uber when I realized his car was at my place so we should probably ride back together. Wonderful.

"What was that in there, why were you so rude to our waitress?"

"Please. She needed a wake-up call. Just like you."

"I don't get what your problem is with water," he said as we climbed into the Uber.

I rolled my eyes. "Go into any large hardware store. Look for rat poison, and look at ingredients. There is only one ingredient: Sodium Fluoride, the most toxic, ionic molecule outside of Potassium Dichromate. Sodium Fluoride is piling up as an industrial byproduct, and they need to find a way to dispose of this toxin.

The FDA researcher who tried to blow the whistle on Fluoride was demoted and removed. He recently won a mega lawsuit, which got him 10 years back pay (but still left him ignored and unpublished)... Fluoride has been linked to bone cancer and lower levels of intelligence. It's also been known to have a narcotic-like effect on the brain."

The Uber driver put his arm over the passenger seat and turned around. "Hey! Are you guys talkin' about water fluoridation!?

"Millions of people in India and China suffer a crippling bone disease called skeletal fluorosis, caused by moderate to high levels of fluoride (1.5 to 9 ppm) in their water. Fluoride's plausible contribution has been ignored and hidden from the public. Also, fluoride has repeatedly been shown to be a carcinogen in cell cultures, animals and humans.

Also, fluoride does not lessen tooth decay. You want to know the truth? Follow the trail of money, greed, and power. Follow the trail of those who would treat you as an object- an object to be used, manipulated, and discarded when you are no longer of any value. An object without humanity. You see, the mentality needed to put rat poison in drinking water demands that one not view the common people as people- that would be unethical. They must be viewed as objects- then they can dispense with them at their pleasure."

My date shook his head. "I'm over this. I just want to go home." Spoken like a true sherson (the singular form of sheeple). The Uber pulled to a stop and he jogged to his car and peeled out into the night.

"Thanks for backing me up," I said to the driver. "I was all alone in this all night."

"No problem, miss," he said cordially. "Gotta speak the truth when you can!"

"Absolutely." I gave him a 5-star rating and said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pull up and boil enough water from the well to run a bath and brush my teeth."

"You and me both, sister!"

At least the worst date of my life ended on a good note.