For those not in Greek life, thank you for stopping by. Please read (if curious), but this may not interest you all too much.

College date parties: a magical evening of long bus rides, crippling anxiety, and the urge to pee.

Before I start off, I'd like to disclaim: not every experience is alike; I commend those able to survive the night without drowning their sorrows in pepperoni pizza with a side of ranch. However, for the sratty girls I know, who spend two hours on their makeup, only to end up with red lipstick smeared down their neck, this one is for you. (:

It's the week before the event, and the date party scaries have begun. Who the fuck should I take? If I bring my hook up, he'll think I want something more. If I take my friend, he might try and grab my ass. And oh god, with a few White Claws in me, I just may let him. Ok, so we found a man. He's six foot-two, with a reputation of buying drinks with his daddy's plastic. A match made in date party heaven.

Why does a night of red dresses and frat boys often end in disaster? Fun doesn't need to be complicated they say. Well, honey, sometimes it does.

I think if there were a set of rules, outlining the "do's and don'ts" of sorority date parties, we'd all be a lot better off. So, I will attempt, to my best ability, to share my two senses.

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1. You do not owe your date anything.

You are invited to share laughs, take a few hundred pics for the gram, maybe partake in some light grinding on the dance floor. In no way shape or form, are you obligated to sleep with this person. He might not pressure you, with his words, but his hand on your thigh and a few AMFs in your system, can create a night of regrettable events. If you want to -- then Go. For. It. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting a little hot and sweaty with your date, even if you only find them attractive post wine bag. However, what's not okay, under any circumstance is the - I'm going to come over, but only because I know you'll hate me if I don't. I think we -- as women -- need to unlearn this whole sexual guilt thing. But I realize that this is difficult, when the "culture" accepts and perpetuates misogyny. I once had a guy whine to me on the bus ride home saying, "why did she take me if she didn't want to fuck me?". Hmm, maybe because she thought you were fun to party with? Or maybe because she didn't know what a pathetic asshole you were before. If he doesn't invite you to his next formal because you weren't down to see his male parts, then trust me, it's a good thing.

2. If it's your party, provide the beverages.

"But the guy is always supposed to buy you a drink."

Ok, but reality check -- it's no longer 1952, and we aren't in Texas. It's common courtesy - if you invited someone, then you should be making sure they are having just as much fun as you are. Go to Target, by the cheapest fifth you can find, and put a smile on Spencer's face. If you're lucky, they'll invite you to theirs and make you the best dorm room cocktail you've ever had.

3. If you're the guest, this is NOT the night to drink to oblivion. Keep it classy.

Trust me, nothing is more embarrassing than having to be sent home because your date is a little, um, sick. For this night and this night only, your date is a reflection of YOU. If you are breaking bus windows and peeing in sinks, your date will not be too amused. I mean, even with a little Svedka, we aren't twelve. Keep it together Jessica.

4. Date ditching = So not okay.

You agreed to hang out with this person for one whole entire night. While you may not be in love with the man, leaving him behind to flirt with the water polo captain is beyond disrespectful. I'm sure you can survive a few hours of minimal conversation and off-beat grinding. If you can't, then just don't come.

5. Be mindful. Don't take someone who might create tension.

Not going to lie, the night before the party, I anxiously check the date doc --- hoping a few people will not be in attendance. Unfortunately, they often are -- and I usually end up coping with an extra mixed drink, (not a smart move). If you didn't know about the drama or hear that they were still hooking up, then no worries -- not your fault sis. However, if you did, then I'm sorry, but you're kind of a snake.

6. If you're a man, don't drink too much if you and your date are planning on you know…

Because whiskey dick isn't fun for anyone.