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Date Function Survival Guide

How not to fail miserably when you actually look like a real person for once...

Emily Johnson

Apr 06, 2015

North Carolina State University

Hello Giggles

We all watched and loved Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide when we were younger. The protagonists Ned, Cookie, and Moze actually gave us some great tips about...

1. Avoidable haircuts.

2. Our first awkward relationships.

3. And of course, passing gas in school.

But somehow we grew up, and still have unanswered questions about life, especially the meant to be fun but actually huge struggle of date functions.

So how do we survive them? Let's entertain the idea that this actually could happen...

1. Remember the date of the event.

We've all had that moment when you realize your date function is in less than two short weeks, the date list was already kind of due, and you are without a trendy...but not too try hard outfit.

2. Have a date that kind of likes you. (FYI your dog/significant pet other is always free!)

He doesn't have to be Prince Charming, but if he can hold a semi-delightful conversation you should be good.

3. Wear something you feel flawless in, because you deserve it.

I have to admit it kind of feels good to put my bummy clothes away for once and look pretty dang good. If Katniss did it, so can you!

4. Know the GPS coordinates of the picture's location...because missing pictures really bites you in the Instagram butt.

I mean scrolling through all the group pictures without you could really get you down the next day.

5. Feel accomplished when you find it.

Have an overly excited Elle Woods moment. Maybe even throw in a high five!

6. And be prepared for the 5 seconds everyone checks you out when you walk in...

Or just stand there awkwardly because that works too.

7. Take a quality picture.

or a hundred...

8. Pace yourself with drinks.

9. When you get to the venue, keep it together.

10. Always scope out the food situation.

11. Be prepared for long bathroom line socialization.

12. Pray for the function chair. She needs to remain strong.

13. On the way home, stay clear of routes that pass by fast food. You know why.

14. When you get home, congratulate yourself.

15. Lastly, don't push yourself too much the next day.

And with that, happy function season! I give you my best of luck, and may the function Gods be with you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Date Function Survival Guide

How not to fail miserably when you actually look like a real person for once...

1. Avoidable haircuts.

2. Our first awkward relationships.

3. And of course, passing gas in school.

So how do we survive them? Let's entertain the idea that this actually could happen...

1. Remember the date of the event.

2. Have a date that kind of likes you. (FYI your dog/significant pet other is always free!)

3. Wear something you feel flawless in, because you deserve it.

4. Know the GPS coordinates of the picture's location...because missing pictures really bites you in the Instagram butt.

5. Feel accomplished when you find it.

6. And be prepared for the 5 seconds everyone checks you out when you walk in...

7. Take a quality picture.

or a hundred...

8. Pace yourself with drinks.

9. When you get to the venue, keep it together.

10. Always scope out the food situation.

11. Be prepared for long bathroom line socialization.

12. Pray for the function chair. She needs to remain strong.

13. On the way home, stay clear of routes that pass by fast food. You know why.

14. When you get home, congratulate yourself.

15. Lastly, don't push yourself too much the next day.

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

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"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

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Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

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4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

Graduation is coming.

1. The classes you are taking are actually difficult.

2. You probably have a fancy internship somewhere.

3. You and your pals are all of a legal age to drink (even the late bloomers).

4. The future... what is that?

5. Apply, interview, rejection, repeat.

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