Oh. You thought Happily Ever After was a thing in the real versions of your childhood stories? HAHAHAHA. You don't know how weird everything gets then. Hercules isn't his name. Hades isn't that bad. Ariel didn't get Eric. So, let's dive into ruining your childhood. YAY!!
1. Hercules killed his family.
So, Hercules was actually named Heracles and Hera wasn't his mom. Zeus, in mythology, really couldn't keep his hands to himself and he cheated on Hera. I think he's the only person to have a higher record than Tiger Woods.
Well, the story of Hercules/Heracles sort of goes along with the movies until, after everything, he's having a dream one night sent to him by Hera, who HATES him, and kills his wife and kids. He wakes up in horror and goes to Hera. She tells him that he has to complete 12 tasks to get his family back. She thinks he's going to die on the first one but he outsmarts her and surprises all of the gods by winning.
2. Cinderella got DARK.
Cinderella got her Happily Ever After. It was darker than a Freddy remake but she got it.
Long story short, Cinderella is abused by her stepmother and stepsisters. She goes to the ball and falls in love with the Prince. She loses the shoe. He comes knocking. HERE'S WHERE IT GETS DARK!!!!
The stepsisters cut off parts of their feet because their mother told them to do it. The Prince catches them because the silk slipper is soaked in their blood. Cinderella appears with her slipper and it fits. They get married and the stepsisters are bridesmaids. Doves are released and they immediately swoop down and PECK THE SISTER'S EYES OUT!!!
3. Hades wasn't ever actually a bad guy.
Everyone thinks that Hades was so bad and evil. He literally just sat in The Underworld and sulked. He didn't kidnap Persephone. She came down on her own. She was the one smiting everyone. Heracles came to Hades and asked to have Cerberus and Hades said, "You can BORROW him. You just need to take care of him." He let people walk in and out of the Underworld as long as they weren't awful.
4. "The Little Mermaid" was super depressing
This one is just sad. The mermaid fell in love with the prince and wanted to be able to go to the Heaven that the sailors sang about. So, she went to the sea witch to turn her human. She got legs but every step felt like walking on knives. She couldn't speak and the prince married someone else. The sea witch tells the mermaid that she can keep her legs and have her voice returned if she kills the prince. The mermaid can't do it and turns into seafoam because merfolk don't have souls.
In case you haven't noticed, I enjoy ruining childhoods. I'm not sorry.
