I love my hair, it has been my pride and joy since I can remember. At the age of three I stuck my head out the window with one dream in mind, to have lushes long hair. How many times have you heard this? By my count the number of times someone says they want great hair is infinite. Here's the real kicker, when I wanted long hair it was forbidden for me to have it. So I struggled to find the balance between what I wanted and what I was told I could have. Naturally I rebelled! Yep, my hair was a sign of my defiance. I grew it out numerous times always upset when I was cuffed down in a chair with scissors in my moms hands. Ugh, she's the worst. (Another story.)

Maybe you are someone who knows hair changes like the leaves in the fall. You go through a break up, have an anxiety attack, get a new dog or even a leather jacket and bam a new doo. I'm personally no stranger to colorful hair. In the past year I have gone through five different colors. Says a lot huh? Honey Ombre Shay, Blonde Chic, Bronze mistake, Copper basic, Black Green Witch, Violet Red Rose and Gold Ombre Ariana. My head has been the stage for a years worth of change. My hair the rebel. A secret weapon. Sounds ohhh so exciting doesn't it? It was like I went through my early fame Nicki Minaj stage with the wigs.

When I was blonde I was chic. People of course where in shock because my hair was so light and short, but they loved it. It was fun I won't deny. The interesting thing is blonde got way more attention than dark brown or black. Why is light hair better than dark hair? Well it's not. They are both beautiful. The difference is blonde fits a white Eurocentric aesthetic. Blonde is chic because somehow it is more fashion forward while dark hair is meh.

A similar issue happens with straight hair being valued more than curly. Society does not love the natural hair from the head of this Mexican woman. The world tells those of us with dark hair specifically people of color, native Americans, and anyone within this realm we are not as beautiful as our white counterparts. When I mean society is not interested the dark hair from this Mexican girls head I mean my hair wouldn't get a second look. There are of course minor situations where someone may notice my hair but use it as a form to target me for being outside of whiteness. Natural hair, dark hair, curly hair is so --insert bad thing here-- but blonde hair, even red hair, is very how do you say "Vogue."

As I went through the process of letting my dark hair go I learned how much I truly valued it. Dark hair does not get the same love light hair does or colorful hair does. When my hair is green or red I'm weird but interesting. Kind of cool actually. It's the rebel thing. Hair tells a story. My dark hair was the story, is the story of my culture, the olive tan skin framed underneath it, and the dark eyes piercing under my bangs.

How do I love the girl with the dark hair? Shay Mitchell is a huge love of mine and her hair has been part of my awakening. It only takes a second of watching her dark hair move for me to wish mine back.

There's a famous telenovela star in Mexico named Ana Brenda Contreras, who made me fall in love again with dark waves. They way they are, how the move, and how they express strength.

To love the girl with dark hair I must learn what dark hair means.

I call it a reclaiming of what belongs to me. The history of dark hair, the strength everyone with dark hair had to face challenges, to go against social issues, and to live in a world where dark hair like dark skin is not equal nor appreciated. There is something about the co-optedness of dark hair like the taking of culture which requires take back. As I think of the process of going back to my natural roots I think of rediscovering them. My dark hair is part of my culture. My dark hair is me as a Mexican/hispanic/Trans etc. woman. It represents me. It defies what beauty is by existing. My dark hair takes charge and reclaims, and reclaims, and reclaims all those pieces of history in order to grow and change them. It represents what it means to be latinx, QTPOC, and strong as well as vulnerable. The rebel in me is excited to rebel in a different way.

Going back to my dark locks may not happen soon because I am enjoying the colorful mess on my head at the moment, but it will come.