In our culture, people flee from the idea of being vulnerable, because we fear being seen as weak or incompetent amid a competitive population. Everyone compares themselves to others at one point or another, and when someone feels they are lacking in something they retreat because they feel as though they will be ridiculed for “failing.” We feel as though we must live up to other’s expectations constantly: be smart enough, be thin enough, be strong enough or be perfect enough. This pressure to be successful and to be near-perfect is incredibly self-defeating.
I knew all of this subconsciously, but it wasn’t until this semester that became so clear to me. I was privileged to be assigned the book Daring Greatly by Brené Brown for my group project and was inspired by her research. Brown tackled the idea that vulnerability is not something to fear but something to embrace. She explained how being vulnerable is an important part of our experience, how shame plagues our lives and how to prevent this.
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Everyone has felt ashamed at some point in their lives. Whether you failed a test, struck-out to end the game or even told a lie, when you feel like you have let someone down you might feel a sense of guilt or shame. When someone feels like they have failed in the eyes of society, they retreat and disconnect from others. They want to hide their “inadequacy.” This is why our culture has become so defensive and disjointed. From a young age we, as humans beings, protect ourselves from this feeling of shame by removing ourselves from situations. We are afraid to take risks and put ourselves out there because we fear that we might not be “enough.” We fear vulnerability.
Brown attacks this instinctual response saying that, "Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the area...with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly" (Brown 2).
This really connected with me. It made me think about what I might have missed because I’m afraid to step up and take the risk. How many opportunities or experiences have I missed out on because I never took the first step? Of course, some people may experiment this more intensely than others, but I believe that everyone can relate to this feeling.
Imagine how the community around us would look like if people were more willing to take risks and be vulnerable in front of others. This could be as small as an employee sharing his ideas in a board meeting. Failure is not something to be ashamed of, it is the catalyst of learning and improvement. The greatest leaders of the world were people who were courageous enough to pursue their beliefs and ideas despite the risk of failing. Where would we be if they didn’t “dare greatly?'
So I urge every one of you to step outside of your comfort zone a little more. Don’t be afraid of being ridiculed because you think you might not be good enough. You are good enough! The best experiences of our lives often come from taking risks and being vulnerable in front of others. On the flip side, when someone is vulnerable around you, don’t shut them down, but encourage them instead. So whether it’s confessing to your crush, trying something new or talking to a friend about an issue you have, remember that: “Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light” (Brown 60).
So join me, start taking the small steps to fully engage in your life, know that you are worthy and let your light shine!
According to Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.
Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, NY: Gotham Books, 2012. Print.
