Don Mirault, founder of the Theater Arts Preparatory School (TAPS) in Las Vegas, had always told the students in my dance studio that in order to land a job, you have to want it. Things go above and beyond technique. You have to stand out, you have to put yourself in front, you have to make yourself get noticed, you have to have confidence.
But what if that one quality I need more than anything is what I lack the most of?
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I never had had a lot of it. Body issues, not fitting in, and other issues held me back. Of course, could I have tried not to let that affect me in a negative way? Absolutely, but there gets to be a point where it's hard to see how that could be turned around.
I'm naturally a very clumsy person, more so outside the studio than in, but my clumsiness found its way into the studio and away from the grass and sidewalk once I started college. I suffered a severe back injury in my first semester, and by the time I reached the weeks leading up to my fourth semester, I was in a boot due to 4+ years worth of ankle sprains that never healed and overstretched my ligaments.
That third semester, as the ankle pain became more and more persistent, my confidence was completely underground. Fear of hurting myself more lead to me holding myself back, which lead to lack of corrections in class (because you can't correct something that's not done full out), which lead to a lack of motivation to go to class, which lead to even less attention from my teachers, and the cycle goes on. What was more important to me, trying to heal as fast as possible, or build up motivation to go to class by doing things full out so I got attention? I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew what I had to do.
My confidence was at an all time low prior to my return to school. I was in 22 credit hours, most of them dance hours, and I was honestly afraid to go back into the cycle that ended my previous semester. It was then that I started considering a different option: a new major.
God spoke to my heart and said it's important that you stay safe and healthy, I have another plan for you. As soon as I stopped challenging God saying "well I thought for so many years that dance was my calling from you, that's why I never quit!" I saw the benefits. For one, I was sleeping at night again instead of dreading waking up and it be one day closer to the beginning of the semester. Two, I was actually going to allow myself to heal fully once and for all. And three, I was going out of my comfort zone. It was no longer just about dance, but it was about something else that I never planned on making a priority: journalism. Which, in its own way, is a way of showing confidence, isn't it?
Changing my majors around is not my way of giving up. It's my way of battling my confidence flaws that I've battled my entire life. It's about showing off my confidence in a new way. So I may not be completely confident in my ability to dance currently, but I just claimed my first story for the student newspaper within only two weeks of classes. I'm scared to death, but I wouldn't have taken it if I didn't feel I was semi-ready.
I have no idea how my confidence in dance is going to change, even once I heal. So yes, my dance career is at stake. But I just might do something different with dance that I never considered before these injuries. And that takes a lot of confidence.
