As a sexual assault survivor in midst her journey for justice, things like the Brock Turner's case infuriate me. The way sexual assault and rape victims are treated is absolutely ridiculous. So, to say I'm passionate about victim rights would be an understatement. With that being said, this response will be a raw, uncut, emotional response to the letter Dan Turner, the father of Brock Turner, wrote to the judge. Sexual assault victims are often times encouraged to stay under the radar once they have reported, but I'm sick of it and I refuse to do it any longer. Here I am and I've got a lot to say. Listen up Turner family.

This is how Tuner started his letter:

"I am writing this letter to tell you about my son Brock and the person that I know he is. First of all, let me say that Brock is absolutely devastated by the events of January 17th and 18th 2015. He would do anything to turn back the hands of time and have that night to do over again. In many one-on-one conversations with Brock since that day, I can tell you that he is truly sorry for what occurred that night and for all the pain and suffering that it has caused for all of those involved and impacted by that night. He has expressed true remorse for his actions on that night. Living under that same roof with Brock since this incident, I can tell you firsthand the devastating impact that it has had on my son. Before I elaborate more, I would like to share some memories of my son that demonstrate the quality of his character."

I want to start off by saying, that no matter if Brock is a good guy or not, he still broke the law. He still did something wrong. Would we make this same excuse for a murderer? Oh yeah, the person who shot up Sandy Hook was a great person. He had such a vibrant personality and was in church every Sunday. No. There's no way anyone would ever say that and if they did it would be far from okay. What makes a sex crime any different? Your past actions or personality, serve as no excuse for a crime committed. Any decent person can act without thinking and commit a crime. Just because they hand out free ice cream to the homeless and wear a halo does not mean that they should get off. As children we were punished for our wrong doings. Not because we were bad or not loved, but because we needed to be taught right from wrong. Some adults still need to be reminded of this. One question I would like to ask Mr. Dan Turner, is did he ever stop and think about the victim? I'm sure Brock's has changed, as it should have, but so did hers. I'm sure she isn't the same girl her parents used to wake up to every morning. I'm sure it's hard for her mom or dad to watch her go through the flashbacks, panic attacks, and days where she is just too scared to leave the house. I know it was and still is hard for mine. Your son brought this on himself. I can't understand why you're writing these excuses.

For the next several paragraphs, we read as D. Turner goes on and on about how great Brock is. We read about how he was good in school, was good at sports, and had a welcoming smile. That's grand and all, but that has nothing to do with the topic at hand here. Your son is a rapist. I can't speak for this particular victim, but I can speak for myself and the experience that I have had. The things that Dan said about his son, have been said about the boy (yes, boy. No man would ever do this) who sexually assaulted me. It's been said that he is kind, funny, smart, all that good stuff and apparently that makes it okay. But what about me? I'm a straight A college student, I graduated high school with honor's, I'm a published writer, I'm kind, I love everyone, and I would like to think I'm kind of funny too. When those things are said about me, what does it mean? Not a thing. No one cares how great the victim is or how successful of a life they have. All that really matters is that the perpetrator is great and simply made a mistake. If my mother were to sit down and write a letter about my high school career ending, she would have some of the same things to say. I was humble about my acceptance, I made my choice if school, and worked hard until it was completely paid for to take the burden off her. If these things me that Brock doesn't deserve to be labeled as a rapist, does it also mean that I don't deserve to be a victim? Double standards have never quit made sense to me.

Dan closes the letter with this:

"As it stands now, Brock’s life has been deeply altered forever by the events of Jan 17th and 18th. He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile. His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite. Brock always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite snack for him. I had to make sure to hide some of my favorite pretzels or chips because I knew they wouldn’t be around long after Brock walked in from a long swim practice. Now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist."

These words honestly baffle me so much, that I would like to respond sentence by sentence. In the first few sentences we read about how poor Brock's life has changed. Well, he isn't the only one. "His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression." Okay, if this is true that's pretty rough. But again, what about his victim? Speaking from a personal stance, I experienced all this too. Someone I trusted took everything away from me and left me in a vulnerable and broken mess. That resulted in crippling anxiety, depression so bad that I didn't want to go on, worry that it might happen again, and fear that I would never be the same. Mr. Turner, I'm sorry you had to watch your son go through that, but are you even thinking of the other side of this? Or are you so self-absorbed that you think your son is the only one that has been hurt by this? Now, on to the next part. Mr. Turner talks about how it got so bad that Brock didn't eat. Thanks to my severe anxiety and depression neither did I. Just to put things in perspective, I dropped 35 pounds in a month and a half. So I say this as nicely as I can, but he deserves it.

"These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways. His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life. The fact that he now has to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life forever alters where he can live, visit, work, and how he will be able to interact with people and organizations. What I know as his father is that incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock. He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone including his actions on the night of Jan 17th 2015. Brock can do so many positive things as a contributor to society and is totally committed to educating other college age students about the dangers of alcohol consumption and sexual promiscuity. By having people like Brock educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of binge drinking and its unfortunate results. Probation is the best answer for Brock in this situation and allows him to give back to society in a net positive way."

Bare with my while I try not to lose my cool. The verdict broke Brock? Good. I'm glad. I'm glad that Brock got to feel just a tiny bit like every sexual assault and rape victim out there. I'm glad that he got his life turned upside down. I'm glad he will never be the same. Guess what, neither will any of us. That's a big price to pay for 20 minutes of action? No, it's not steep enough. What he did was terrible and all he got was what? Three months on jail? My life, nor any other victim's life, is not going back to normal after three months. This is a life long burden we must hold and if it were up to me, jail would be the place Brock spent the rest of his life. Mr. Turner, it's people like you who have ruined the judicial system for any survivor of a sex crime.

The saddest part is that the Brock Turner case was not an anomaly. It is very, very rare for a sex crime victim to get the kind of justice they deserve while being treated fairly. When sex crime victims step forward, things get ugly, fast. Their entire lives have to basically stop because anything they say or do will be turned around on them in court to make it look like it was their fault. Just like it was done here.

I know this response was a little heated at points, but my philosophy has become, you can't change the world by following the rules. I've tried getting across the points and feelings of a sex crime survivor in a nice, calm manner but it just doesn't seem to work. Once you report a sex crime, you're actually asked not to talk about it all. I'm 12 months post reporting, and 15 months post assault, and it's taken me this long to realize that silence is not the answer. There needs to be a change in the way that sex crimes are handled. Most violators get a small slap on the wrist. No, just no. I'm tired of it, and I'm ready to take a stand and fight. So here I am, against everything I've been told, standing up and saying that I am a victim, I reported, and the way it went down was not okay. But then again Mr. Turner, what would I know? I'm just the silly little girl that said no.