"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee" ("Twin Peaks," Season 1, Episode 7).

Thanks, Agent Dale Cooper (and the rest of the "Twin Peaks" gang), for revitalizing and refining my deep, intimate love for coffee.

Here's what I've learned in the past year of being a coffee-addicted college student and simultaneously having my first exposure to "Twin Peaks" (thanks, Lauren)...

1. The only way I am able to motivate myself to complete long, unpleasant, or taxing tasks (or sometimes, just to wake up in the morning) is the promise of coffee.

As long as I know I'll be able to wrap my hands around a mug of coffee and feel the deep, comforting warmth swim through my palms, into my forearms, and through the rest of my body sometime in the near future, I can endure anything right now.

2. This means that I will be as annoying as necessary to make sure my future will be warm and caffeinated.

One of the most important parts of being a coffee devotee is being willing to do whatever it takes--sacrifice valuable friendships, excessive amounts of time/money, and/or your dignity--to get yourself a cup of coffee.

3. Sometimes, though, coffee is just wholly unavailable to you...

Whether you've run out of K-cups or you prioritized showering/getting to work on time over your daily cup of joe for once, there are days when coffee just isn't in the cards.

4. ...And you might feel deader than Laura Palmer after a day like this.

5. But the good news is that your next cup is going to satisfy you in ways that you didn't know were possible after this period of involuntary abstinence.

You feel so right with the world after a long-awaited cup of coffee. It centers you in your earthly being, but reminds you that something greater than yourself, something celestial exists outside of and now within you--and can be found in a mug.

Your head is clear, you've been given some liquid perspective, and you're...

6. You can easily pick out other true coffee fiends, and sympathize on the deepest of levels with their earth-shattering feelings of love and withdrawal.

You're immediately among friends when entering any given coffee shop.

7. Although coffee makes you more personable and helps you relate to your fellow enthusiasts, it also makes you feel like a total badass 99% of the time.

Hey, dude. See me? See this coffee in my hands (with 0 cream or sugar in it, might I add)? Yeah, that's right. Don't f*ck with me.

8. And nothing is more gratifying than the day when 'coffee-drinker' becomes inextricably linked to your identity.

Someone, in reference to me: "that girl who always has coffee"

Me:

I have achieved my purpose on this earth. Lord, you can take me.