As lifeguards we all deal with similar issues throughout our shifts, regardless of our certification, our location, or our seniority level. At the end of the day all we want is to make sure everyone has a fun and safe day. But man oh man, do guests sometimes make that difficult. Here I've compiled a list of the most common thoughts and phrases we use on a typical day.

1. Where are your parents?!

You're so tiny how do your parents think this is okay?

2. Is that poop?!

Please don't be poop. But actually if it is we close. So........ Oh, its just a napkin.

3. Feet first, one at a time down the slide.

Yes, that means everyone. Even you, you aren't special.

4. No, your infant cannot sit in your lap.

Your 10 year old definitely can't. What was your logic there anyways?!

5. Yes, it actually is safer for them to go alone.

Yes, of course you know how to do my job better than I do.

6. Okay, then they will not be allowed down. I'm sorry

I'm not sorry. By this point you've pissed me off and I just want you gone.

7. "Move away from the bottom of the slides!"

Or don't, you can get kicked in the face for all I care.

8. Stand next to the slide not in front of it to catch your child.

Or don't, I'm tired of yelling at you.

9. *Yelling at small child, or anyone, and being completely ignored* So do you not speak English or are you just an a**hole?

I would much prefer the language barrier.

10. Oh goody, no English. Time for charades.

Who knew getting certified as a lifeguard meant becoming a semiprofessional mime.

11. Are you a passive victim or trying to see how long you can hold your breath?

The only time I've ever seen a kid stay perfectly still for a scary amount of time.

12. This child is 8 years old. Why are they in an infant life jacket?

Those water wings are trash. So is that inflatable vest. And I don't even know what you're expecting that turtle shell looking thing to do.

13. No, you can't take that tube down the body slide!

How did you even get that tube over here?! It is literally from the other side of the park.

14. Of all the places you choose to sit (or stand) why must it be directly in front of my stand?!

Literally you could've picked anywhere else. Also not my fault if I hit or kick you as I jump in.

15. Sir or Madam, the water is 3 feet deep. Just stand up.

Just put your feet on the ground. Or not. Apparently I wanted to get wet today.

Life-guarding is simultaneously the most frustrating and most rewarding job I've had in my life thus far. It has given me life skills, experiences, and stories I won't ever forget! Being a guard truly is a unique experience, and no matter where we guard we all have a shared bond that allows us to understand each other like no one else can.