I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it is a daily fight for me to stay calm. It is especially difficult because, deep down, I know that I (usually) have no reason to be anxious but I cannot stop myself from becoming extremely anxious nonetheless. I've been told countless times that my fears are irrational and unrealistic. I've also been told to "calm down" or "relax." I would relax if I could, but I physically cannot make myself relax no matter how irrational my fears my be.

Anxiety feels like a rock in my chest. It is hard for me to breathe when I am anxious and I feel like my chest is being squeezed constantly. I also have a very hard time dealing with my anxiety. There isn't a proven fix to instantly cure my anxiousness. There actually isn't anything that works for everyone. Most techniques have you take deep breaths but that doesn't always work for me. When my anxiety hits, I generally have to just wait it out and hope I get distracted soon. Little daily things tend to make me anxious. I can be perfectly fine one minute and then someone will say something that upsets me and I am immediately anxious about something that probably won't actually effect me or even happen in the first place. I worry about ordering take out over the phone and talking to anyone I don't know. I once almost missed a flight because I was too worried to ask the people in front of me in the security line if I could go in front of them to catch my plane. I knew the whole time that I should just ask and everyone would likely be nice, but I just felt frozen and could not force myself to speak.

Half the time, I don't even know what I'm actually afraid of. I just know that I feel paralyzed and like I'm going to either cry or puke. A lot of people I have talked to do not believe that anxiety is really a thing. They think that I have control over all my emotions and can make myself calm if I want to. This is the complete opposite of the truth. I have no control over my emotion whatsoever when I become anxious. I cannot help it if I feel like something bad is going to happen any second. My anxiety is not something I have ever wanted and, if I could, I would make it go away. However, I cannot change this piece of who I am. Even medication cannot completely fix my anxiety. It is much better but it isn't perfect. I can finally sleep away from home but I still can't stop the feeling of my chest constricting.

Anxiety is a very real thing and, while being anxious is emotional, the feelings that come with it are physical. Anxiety also manifests itself differently in each person. I know my anxiety is, at times, "irrational" but I cannot stop myself anymore than anyone else can stop themselves from crying when they get hurt. Anxiety is not a joke.