This is to all the dads in the world. . .
When I was born
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I’m not sure whether your first thought was,
“Oh my Gosh, This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
Or
“That’s not mine.”
Either way
I’m here now.
I’m alive, healthy, and loved.
If not by you,
then by my mom.
Tonight when I went to bed I made my mom cry.
I didn’t mean to.
I just asked,
“Where’s my daddy?”
She didn’t have an answer.
The only thing she could say was,
“I’m right here.”
She laid next to me and rubbed my back until I fell asleep.
I could hear the pauses in her breath
as she silently cried.
Today was “Dads and donuts” at school today.
I didn’t get to go.
They wouldn’t let my mom go in with me.
They said, “Sorry, we can’t let mothers in.”
This angered her,
she said back, “I am his mom and his dad.”
Although very noble by my mom
I was embarrassed.
Not by her actions,
but because I couldn’t be like everyone else.
I wanted to show you off.
I wanted to tell everyone,
“This is my Dad!”
I am playing coach pitch now.
I see that you are coaching.
You seem so happy to be coaching.
The only problem is
I am not on your team.
Instead you have my older brother and your step-son.
I wish you were my coach.
It’s Father’s day now.
I hope you don’t mind that I don’t get you anything.
Not because I do not want to,
I just don’t know you very well or what you like.
I’m gonna be a junior in high school this year.
You’re moving in with grandma.
So am I!
This is going to be the best summer ever!
You have all these ideas for us.
I’m so excited
we are finally going to get to bond.
That lasted for about three days.
You have a girlfriend.
She is more important to you.
You work all day
and you are with her at night
and I only see you shortly in the morning.
Summer is ending
you are moving away
and
I decided I don't want to try anymore.
It's now a few months later
I wrote you a message on Facebook,
saying, “I don’t need you as a dad anymore.”
You seem fine with that.
I wish you weren’t fine with that.
I’m in college now and we haven’t talked much since that message.
Freshman year goes by
Sophomore year
You visit mom’s house for the holidays
and I happen to show up.
Honestly,
I am terrified to see you.
I'm not sure how we both are going to react.
You come up to me and hug me.
I hug back,
but it doesn't mean anything to me.
I’ve grown cold towards you.
You leave the room and I tell your mom,
“That’s not my dad
I hurt her feelings.
I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings,
but my love for you has disappeared.
I’m 20 years old now.
In my third year of college
and I am tired of being so cold towards you.
I’ve witnessed a lot.
I’ve gone through a lot.
To some, I’m a man now,
but I still feel like a child.
I’m still growing up.
I’m not sure how to be a man.
You never taught me. . .
my mom tried,
but she’s no man.
I’m twenty years old now
and
I think about you every day.
Do you think about me?
Every day I wish you and I had a different relationship.
I wish you were in my life
and I in yours.
You have your life now.
You’re married.
So, I’m not sure if you want me in your life,
but I want you in mine.
The problem is we don’t know each other
we just have ideas of what we think we are.
I’m trying to fight for you.
Will you fight for me?
I’m 20 years old
and
I just want my dad.
I don’t want money.
I don't want presents.
I want to get to know you.
I just want for us to have a good relationship.
I want to know when life gets tough I can run to my dad.
I want to know that I matter to you.
I don’t want to hear it.
I want to be shown.
To current fathers and soon-to-be dads.
Love your kids. Your daughters. Do not let them question whether or not you love them. Make sure they know they matter. It’s very easy for kids to feel like they don’t matter. I have felt that for a long time. My beautiful little sister is also feeling that way. So, if you help create a child. Love them. Show them they are no mistake. They mean the world to you. Get to know them. Do not allow yourself to be a stranger in your kid’s life. We as kids need our dad.
