I have always wondered if you would be able to walk me down the aisle, if you would see any of the most important days of my life. Now my question is answered and I wish that it wasn’t. This disease ruined everything. Took away everything from my sisters, you, my mom, and me.

I am sorry that you weren’t there. You weren’t there for when I entered my teen years, you weren’t there when I went from elementary school to middle school or middle school to high school.

You didn’t get to see me throw my cap in the air. You didn’t get to scare away the boy on my first date. You missed it when I went away to my first dance and when I walked down the stairs for my last one.

You had to be my father from afar, looking at pictures and listening to our emails, all because of the sickness that took you away from me.

I write this now to let you know that even though it may have seemed like I forgot about you, you were always there for me.

You were there every soccer game when your initials were on my cleats.

You were there for my senior night when I walked with your picture in my hands.

You were there when I graduated from high school, with your picture underneath my cap for only me to see.

My favorite picture of us is and always will be my lock screen on my phone. I know it may seem silly but you are there and that brings a smile to my face.

I am sorry that you will no longer be able to see the important things in my life, even through pictures or emails or letters that are read to you.

You won’t be able to see me graduate from college. You won’t be able to see me go to my first real world job. You won’t be able to walk my sisters or myself down the aisle and that breaks my heart.

This disease that ruined our family is something that I will defeat. It is the reason you are no longer with us today, the reason you suffered so much, and the reason you sacrificed so much.

I want you to know that I have people there for me. I have a loving mother who has sacrificed so much for us that I can't even imagine.

I have two amazing sisters who have helped me through first kisses and emotional breakdowns.

I have the best friends a girl could ask for that will always be there for me because I have the loving heart that you gave me.

You are a part of me and I am so grateful for that. I like to think I have your smile, your optimism, and your courage.

You may not have been in my life and may not be in my future, but you are definitely a part of who I am.