Dear Daddy,
I had you in my life as my father for 20 years. No amount of time would have been long enough for me. For the past two years, I’ve had you in my life as my guardian angel.
You are missing out on so many things. You’re missing out on the wonderful adults your five kids are growing into. You’re missing out on family traditions, but most of all, you’re missing out on life in general.
If you were here today, you would know that Sean talks about you a lot, and that he actually misses driving you around. If you were here today, you would know that Rhiannon worked her ass off through school, and is now an ICU Nurse for St. Vincent’s Hospital. If you were here today you would know that Kyle completed his Bachelor’s degree in Astronomy, and is going back for his Master’s. If you were here today, you would know that I’m enrolled at Mercy College, for my Associate’s degree in Nursing. If you were here today, you would know that Cody graduates in a little over a year, and that he plans on being a veterinarian. But that’s just it...you’re not here.
I can still remember every New Year’s Eve, watching Smokey and the Bandit, drinking Seagram’s wine coolers in the living room. I remember frosting Christmas cookies with you every year, and you blaring “Feliz Navidad” early on Christmas morning, letting us know it was time to get up and open presents. I remember you teaching us kids how to speak Pig Latin, and the military alphabet. I’m so thankful for these memories, which I hold so dear to my heart, but I’m also heartbroken for the ones I’ll never be able to make with you.
You’ll never get to walk me or Rhiannon down the aisle and give us away. You’ll never get to dance with us on our big day. You won’t get to see Cody graduate from high school. You’ll never know the joy of being a grandfather, which I know you would have adored so much. These are the kind of thoughts that keep me awake at night with tears in my eyes.
I’m sorry your life didn’t turn out the way you planned it. I know that you went through hell and back, literally. After the Diabetes, Kidney Failure, Vascular Disease, Calciphylaxis, Disability, and Dialysis three times a week, there you were, fighting every step of the way. I want you to know that I didn’t think any less of you and that you weren’t a burden to me, ever. Despite all the days spent in the ICU at Toledo Hospital, and the Rehab Center, and all the constant worrying of how long you had left to live, I wouldn’t have changed it.
I’ll never forget your contagious laughter when you thought something was so funny. I’ll never forget the vein in your forehead that showed when you got really upset. I’ll never forget your beautiful green eyes that I desperately wished I had. I’ll never forget every time “Brown-Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison came on, you’d pull me in the living room and sing it to me while we danced, looking into my brown eyes that you loved.
Thank you for showing me how precious life really is. Growing up, you said your parents didn’t tell you they loved you that much and that’s why you told us you loved us every day. Because of you, I make sure people in my life know I love them. Thank you for your great taste in music which all five of your kids inherited. Whenever I hear songs that remind me of you I hope you know I think of you and a slight grin comes across my face. Thank you for showing me how to fight and love unconditionally. When I love, I love very hard. When I fight, I fight even harder. Most importantly, thank you for being my father, my best friend, my number one fan, and my biggest hero. You supported me no matter what and showed me what it means to be a true friend. I love you always and forever Daddy, and I’ll always be missing you.
Love Always, Kay-Mic.
